good stuff to think about

Every week, I receive an e-newsletter from life coach Cheryl Richardson. If you would like to subscribe, you can click here. In the meantime, the questions in this week's email really grabbed my attention:

• If this were my last hour on earth, would I be happy with how I've spent my time today, this week, or this year?
• Would I feel good about the priorities I'm focused on right now at this point in my life?
• Do I feel complete and at peace with the people who matter most?

(from Cheryl Richardson)

In such busy times, it's important to step back and regroup every now and then... and act on these questions every possible moment.

With that in mind...

I confess to being an Internet junkie. I love reading food blogs, design blogs, looking at photography... and I know that when I can't sleep at night--which happens often-- blog-surfing has become my habit (I need an intervention for this one.). Much of my work also revolves around being on the computer. A. usually has an earlier bedtime than I do, as he has a more regular, be-at-work-by-9-am kind of job (I won't call it a 9 to 5 job as he certainly works waaay more hours than that). But tonight I had to stay up later for my brother's Skype call from half a world away. So in those 30 minutes of waiting for my Skype call, instead of more Internet surfing or more computer work which I may be inclined to do, I took that opportunity to snuggle with A. as he drifted off to sleep. Sounds simple, I know... but in that moment, I can say that I spent that half hour of my life in the most meaningful way possible.

Interestingly, when I did my first-ever photo exhibit, I named my collection "Every Moment Counts". I guess I used that phrase for a reason. A reminder. That life is too short to eat bad food (yeah I know I had to say that first), say unkind words, or sweat the small stuff. I'm constantly learning about the last one, that's for sure.

Are you content with how you've spent your time today?

spur of the moment trip

Last week A. and I took a trip to New Jersey and New York on a spur of the moment. He went to visit a childhood friend who is based in the UK and was in town for a business trip, and I went to see my brother and his family as well as my friend CD. When we arrived at my brother's house, my nephews' Monopoly game was already set on the coffee table, ready for us. I love my nephews. They are growing fast, and I'd like to think that they still enjoy spending time with their aunts and uncles, who are now relatively "oldies". :)

I love how kids never seem to tire of markers. Below is my niece, who turns two three this weekend (why do babies grow so fast???). I had so much fun with her.

She can draw a circle! And she has a tripod grasp!

(I know... I'm such a teacher.)

When I go to New Jersey, I usually like taking day trips to New York city -- not so much to see the touristy sights anymore, but to see friends and try out different restaurants. I wouldn't necessarily want to live there -- I like my peace and quiet at the end of the day... and I like lots of green. But it's always fun to visit and feel the unstoppable energy of the city.

The food... mmm. For dinner we went to the Upper East Side to Candle 79, an organic, all-vegan, farm-to-table restaurant.

My drink: Green Goddess. Juiced dark leafy greens and fruit. Yes I do like drinking my greens.

A round of complimentary amuse bouche, with assorted chopped fruit in a sweet, tangy, and spicy dressing. Great for waking up the palate.

Seitan chimichurri. It was very tender, and had great texture, plus the tartness and tang of the chimichurri sauce - it must have been marinated in it as well. The char on the seitan was quite interesting, and it strangely transported me to my childhood when we would eat Filipino-style barbecue during my meat-eating days. I don't usually eat faux meat or meat-like substitutes on a regular basis, favoring beans and legumes as my protein source (being weary of the processed soy that is usually in meat substitutes), but seitan is primarily from wheat gluten. And, when eating out I always try to choose things I don't make at home.

Vegetarian paella (!) with seitan and mushrooms. It was a toss-up between this and ravioli with cashew ricotta. But our Spanish restaurant here in Cleveland only serves paella with meat and/or seafood, and the server said the paella portion was "big". Um, I finished the entire thing. I would have loved it even better if it was served more authentically in a paellera, where some of the rice sticks to the bottom of the pan and becomes chewy and crusty. But the flavor was very good - I could taste the smoky paprika, and the mushrooms added a lot of body to the dish. I would have liked a little more saffron flavor, but otherwise it was delicious - and beautifully presented.

The next day - brunch/lunch at Taco Taco, recommended by my friend who was showing us her favorite "hole in the wall" places.

Taco Taco is not quite as small as a "hole in the wall" but they are big on flavor and freshness.

 Praises for Taco Taco from Bobby Flay!

Guacamole. I could eat avocado every day...

Grilled corn on the cob with cotija cheese, cilantro, chile salt, and lime. Finally - I have been looking for a restaurant that serves Mexican-style grilled corn! We aren't allowed to have a grill in our apartment, so this was such a treat. Yes, I am a messy corn eater.

Vegetarian soft tacos. I love how it focused on vegetables and not on cheese as the main ingredient the way some "vegetarian" substitutes do (uh, isn't there a reason it's called "vegetarian"??).

Here, the spinach was wilted just perfectly, and the leaves remained bright green. The mushrooms were earthy and flavorful, the cilantro was fresh. (Nothing kills a dish like cilantro that is past its prime.)

 And as if that wasn't enough...

Pinkberry!!!

When I lived in Cincinnati, I used to go to this frozen yogurt place called Yagoot, which was dangerously within walking distance from my home. I've been missing it, and our fro-yo place here (which shall remain unnamed) isn't quite the same...so we stopped at Pinkberry for mango frozen yogurt. And I thought I was already full.

Mango frozen yogurt with fresh mango and waffle cone pieces. I like that they have a "mini" size. I could have eaten more, but after that Mexican lunch this was all I could fit in the remaining crevices of my stomach.

So, with full bellies we started the seven-hour drive home. Thankfully, being a Sunday, NYC traffic was bearable, and we were able to get out of the city without delays.

A couple of days ago I found out that my car wouldn't start. Everything was off (lights, radio, AC, etc) and nothing would switch back on. My battery was dead. Made me so very glad and thankful that we made it back home without any car trouble!

Interestingly, on our way back from New York, I saw a large building off I-80 (not sure if it was still in NJ or PA, but if I remember right it was pretty close to the border) with a sign that reads "Powerhouse Eatery". I wish I took a photo, but as we were driving on the highway I couldn't get my camera or my phone fast enough. Powerhouse Eatery. I think that sums up our quick weekend trip!

Disturb us, O Lord

Disturb us, O Lord

when we are too well-pleased with ourselves
when our dreams have come true because we dreamed too little, because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, O Lord

when with the abundance of things we possess,
we have lost our thirst for the water of life
when, having fallen in love with time,
we have ceased to dream of eternity
and in our efforts to build a new earth,
we have allowed our vision of Heaven to grow dim.

Stir us, O Lord

to dare more boldly, to venture into wider seas
where storms show Thy mastery,
where losing sight of land, we shall find the stars.

In the name of Him who pushed back the horizons of our hopes
and invited the brave to follow.
Push us into the future
with strength, courage, hope, and love.

Amen.

Written by Sir Francis Drake, 16th century explorer

This prayer, shared with me by a dear friend years ago, always resonated with me... and even more so today as I continue to think about the presence of Spirit in all aspects of my life - work, play, relationships, art.

spirit

Ok, so it's been two times in a row - by two different people, in two different places - that I've heard the question (or variations of the question), "how does the Spirit move you?" or "how is the Spirit present in your life?"

Hmmm.

I've written about this before in an old post. Funny how it's coming back. Like "God Winks," as a dear friend calls it (Thanks, N.).

Then, in a yoga class last week, the instructor talked about purna, which is a Sanskrit word that can be translated to "completion" or "fullness". We recently went through some very HOT days here in Cleveland (which to me was quite a surprise considering how much snow we get in the winter). And in relation to the recent heat wave and the fullest expression of summer, she then posed a question about our fullest expression as individuals. I see this as the meaningful exploration and use of my gifts - of that sense of Spirit moving me and being present in my life.

More to think about...

savory spinach and cheese muffins

I've been on a savory muffin kick ever since this friend posted this recipe for cheddar and leek muffins on her blog.

I started craving these muffins again, except I didn't have cheddar cheese and I didn't have leeks. And I didn't have buttermilk. I didn't even have milk to make my own buttermilk. But, I did have 2 different kinds of cheeses and sour cream. And I almost always have a variety of at least 4 kinds of flour (wheat, corn, spelt, bread flour, etc). Hmmm.

These are the moments I love. The Italians have a phrase for it: l'arte d'arrangiarsi = the art of making something out of nothing. I love that.

Well, I didn't quite start with nothing. I had some things, obviously. As a result of improvisation, I made another kind of savory muffin.

Spinach and Cheese Muffins

1/2 cup whole wheat pastry flour
1 cup fine corn flour*
1 1/2 cup coarse corn flour*
2 teaspoons sea salt
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 large eggs, at room temperature, lightly beaten
1 1/4 cups sour cream
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
2 tablespoons honey
1 cup frozen chopped spinach, thawed out and excess water squeezed
1 1/2 cup grated sharp cheese (sharp cheddar would have been great, but I only had parrano and pecorino, so I used a combination of both)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease or line a 12-cup muffin tin with paper muffin cups or cut-out parchment paper.

Sift all the dry ingredients together in a large mixing bowl.

In another bowl, beat the eggs, sour cream, butter, and honey.

Mix the liquid ingredients into the dry ingredients. Stir in the cheese and the spinach. Do not overmix - overmixing makes the gluten develop in the batter, resulting in a tough dough. You don't want that in muffins!

Spoon the mixture into the muffin cups. I was actually able to extend the recipe and make 18 smaller muffins instead of 12 regular-size ones.

Bake 20-25 minutes or until golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the center of a muffin comes out clean.

Sprinkle the tops of the muffins with a tiny bit of flaky sea salt (not the fine one). Just to make them pretty :)
 
*You could use just fine corn flour instead of a combination of fine and coarse like I did. I just thought the coarse corn flour would add some texture. I didn't want to use all coarse corn flour though, because I wasn't sure if it would make the muffins heavy. I think this combination and proportion was just right.

seed of potential

There is a place deep in your soul where a little seed rests. This seed is your amazing potential. Each time you push yourself, each time you breathe a true deep breath, each time you reach your hands to the stars, you nourish that little seed and feed your soul. 

- Karen Tye

Feeling a little victorious - well, more relieved than victorious, actually - about some positive feedback from my professors on my recent work. Yes, I pushed myself but I'm nourishing that little seed. Even a little at a time. 

Whatever that seed is for you, I hope you are nourishing yours, as well. :)

dreaming up my ideal life

I've been in a strange mood lately.

This might be one of those "neither here nor there" posts but I just need to put onto (cyber)paper some thoughts/emotions that have been circling in my head. Writing is a thinking tool, after all.

I know I get into these phases every now and then, when I question what I am doing. I can't help but shake the fact that I am not living my ideal life. I have a refrigerator magnet that reads: "Now is the time to live your ideal life." It's made me think about my ideal life and whether what I am doing now will get me there. It's a scary thought, considering how much I've invested into this PhD program. I thought this was what I truly wanted. Wasn't I just thinking about how restless I was in my previous situation 2 years ago when I was deciding to quit my job and go back to grad school?

I've heard other people in the same situation (in a doctorate degree program) that almost everyone has wanted to quit at some point. No one ever said it was going to be easy. I knew that coming in to this. So why am I questioning it so much?

Am I fickle, flighty, indecisive? Or is it that every decision I make brings me closer to realizing what I truly want?

What do I truly want? I want a more sustainable lifestyle. And no, I'm not just talking about sustainable in the sense of being conscious about the earth's resources (although that is part of it). I want a sustainable lifestyle in the sense that I can truly bring to life my gifts, carry out my purpose with energy and passion, and sustain a sense of balance in body, mind, and spirit so that I can give more to others - whether that is my family, or my community. A non-sustainable lifestyle, in my opinion, is one in which I would get so completely burned out that I would lose motivation, inspiration, and/or energy to give back to others.

I just went on the website of the Chronicle of Higher Education, which lists open positions in higher education. Every time I check the website, I get scared and intimidated. Because I don't see where I truly fit in. At the same time, I don't see myself in a full-time faculty position in a big research university. Sometimes I think that kind of position is like being in the doctoral program all over again - except it's with higher pay but maybe 10x the stress. And am I not continuing my education to have a better quality of life and to be able to contribute something (or many "things") to someone (or to many), somehow?

Anyway. I recently was asked by a colleague to present to a graduate class on the topic of infant-toddler development and early intervention services for young children and families. I covered early brain development, early caregiver-child relationships, social-emotional development and the impact of early experiences on later school readiness. I also talked about services for young children with disabilities and families. I was so energized! I loved talking about these topics and I felt like I could talk more - especially since the class was engaged and interested. I loved doing this.

But I also love doing other things. Many other things. Which is probably evident in this blog because I talk about so many different things. Sometimes I feel as though they conflict with my work, as these other interests take time as well. I often feel I am being pulled in so many different directions. Must be the Gemini in me, I don't know. I am constantly trying to strike a balance between all my interests. Sometimes I think I would be just as content being a "happy homemaker" and pursuing my creative outlets. As scary as that is for me to admit. But I don't want to give up my work either. Because it does energize me and challenge me. And when I feel energized by my work, as in the example above, it reaffirms for me that I am where I need to be. But the work does take its toll. I can't tell you how many times I've had a meltdown due to stress. And I have realized, as written in a previous post, that I sometimes feel that I live in this almost constant state of stress that I have conditioned myself to feel the stress even before the stressor is actually there. As hard as that is for me to admit as well, being a yogini and all. But I can't live like that, in this almost constant state of alarm - either experiencing the stress or bracing myself for the next big storm. Because I am not good to myself and to others in that situation.

I read somewhere, that if you want a better answer, ask a better question.

So perhaps the question is not where do I fit in, but how can I create my own ideal life? Perhaps the question is not how I can do all of these things so that they are not in conflict with each other, but how can I forge my own unique path which will allow me to do all these things in a balanced way?

So. In dreaming up my ideal life, I listed down the things that are important to me. I am a listmaker, after all.

I would love a life in which I can:

- be the best person I can be to my family and those around me -- live in health in mind, body, and spirit so that I can live generously with my time and energy
- work to improve the quality of life: to work as a means to an end, not an end in itself
- provide independent consulting to early care and education agencies in infant-toddler services/ early intervention
- train future early childhood professionals, whether at the preservice or inservice level. I love working with practicum students (preservice). I also have discovered how energized I felt after presenting to professionals at state and national conferences (inservice).
- pursue my other interests - cooking, baking, photography, yoga - in a way that is balanced and sustainable (understanding that these interests take time and may cost $)

My big deadline looms closer (in 2 days). Another rite of passage. And after having crying about it for a while, I am trying to reset my thinking to see it not so much as an obstacle or hurdle but as a place for uncovering my potential and a step closer to being able to create my own unique path.

In the meantime, maybe I should practice writing those three letters "Ph.D" next to my name... ;-) It won't be for another year or so, but hey I could use all the motivation I can get.

This photo was taken by my brother Carlo on a trip to California. Here I am looking over the vineyards of Sonoma Valley. I don't usually like photos of myself - my comfort zone is behind the camera, after all - but in this one I look like I'm dreaming of my ideal life.