ebb and flow

When it rains (snows)... it pours.

I have 4 big projects with deadlines that somehow all seemed to merge into the same week. Next week, to be exact.

I've come to realize that there is an ebb and flow to everything. Like last week, I think I posted 3 times on this blog. This week, zero, until today. Since this blog is more for a creative outlet and space for random musings, I don't hold myself to any particular number as far as frequency of writing here.

Or one week, I might walk some, practice yoga, try an online barre3 video. On another week, I may not have the energy for anything else but yoga.

Or, I might spend a whole afternoon cooking and baking up a storm (I like how Faith calls it a "kitchen rampage"). Then a week later, I just want takeout, when the only effort I can muster goes into opening the bag of food.

It's true with work as well. Some weeks are better than others. Some weeks, I feel like I have it all together and other weeks, I ask myself, "what the heck am I doing???"

I've come to realize that the balance also comes from being ok with this ebb and flow. Accepting what is.

Because it's all a matter of perspective. Or so I remind myself, when the anxiety hits. Life is never perfect. We'll never "reach" that so-called perfectly balanced state. I don't think it's a balanced state as much as it is a balanced perspective.

It's balancing the expectation of the task with my knowledge of myself. Not this lopsided view of overestimating the task and underestimating my abilities, as I tend to do.

Boracay, Philippines | December 2012

As I sit here watching the infamous "lake effect" snow fall outside my window, I am reminded of my time at the beach in the Philippines this past December and January. The ebb and flow of the tide, and how soothing it was in its rhythm.

I remember inhaling and exhaling with this ebb and flow, feeling this sense of calm just wash over me with every gentle wave that laps at the shore. Aaaahhh. The magic of the ocean.

But without this beloved tropical beach outside my door, I rely on my breathing once more. I visualize the steadiness of the tide.

And slowly, with the ebb and flow of my own breathing, I notice my heartbeat is no longer racing. My jaws loosen. My shoulders start to relax away from my ears, bit by bit.

Somehow, my breathing also silences the inner critic, and I find hidden underneath the anxiety is a source of energy and wisdom. 

And that was my short-but-sweet five-minute yoga practice. 

when yoga and photography collide

 Photo by my dear friend - see her work here and here.

I've often written about how photography becomes a meditative act. I find that when I rush through the process and experience of photography, I also end up being unhappy and uninspired with the resulting images. And it makes perfect sense.

With all the high-tech photography gadgets out there, it can become easy to get caught up in the sparkle of technology. We are almost led to believe that we can control everything. But there are still things that are beyond our control. Such as sunshine. The way sunlight gently shines on dewdrops or the petals of a flower. Or the way it reflects on water. Perhaps a cloud moves and creates shade - and in that second, the light changes. Temporarily, at least. But this is why photography is an act of patience, reflection, and even a sense of submission to what is present. Which is why I think photography is about being mindful, aware, and... yogic. Photography, like yoga, is a chance to give thanks. To enjoy the moment. To be fully present in what is.

Anyway, my real reason for this post is to share this article about "The Slow-Photography Movement". The author could not have articulated it any better. Read it here.

Photo-op of photo-op

Taken by my dear friend Minnie, Maryland 2008

centering during chaos

Photo by Eat Veggies, Drink Wine

Taken in Eden Park, Cincinnati

I am grounded.
I am centered.
I am at peace with myself.
Everything about me breathes the calm and peace of the soul.

"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."
- Unknown

Just little reminders for myself during these stressful times. Hope it helps some of you out there too.

tired but inspired

Here's an affirmation/meditation I got from a recent retreat:

"Never forget. You are here to be the very best you can be, to learn the most you can learn, to evolve your soul to the fullest extent possible within this lifetime."

Aaaahhhh... just what I need to regain a little bit more energy and get through my study day. "Evolve your soul." I like that.

meditation amidst the "crazy-busyness"

North Carolina Arboretum
Asheville, NC

"Let us not dash, but whisper through."
- Tony L. Arrasmith, 2007

(read this quote by a photographer at a recent art show at this place)

A few weekends ago I decided to go out and take photographs. My poor camera had been neglected for weeks. One perfectly crisp and cool fall day, I went for a nice solitary walk in a nearby park, then went to the Krohn Conservatory to see the orchid show/sale. I took LOTS of pictures.

Sadly, I felt disappointed and frustrated. Typically, taking photos puts me in that centering, meditative mode. But I wasn't feeling it that day. None of the photos I took really stood out for me. And I was taking photos of my favorite subject - botanicals! I reviewed the photos again, but none of them spoke to me. What was wrong? I had great natural lighting in that place; it was fairly early in the day, so it was not too busy and distracting. Yet I didn't really LIKE any of the photos. They were just.... ok. So-so.

"Let us not dash, but whisper through."

Maybe that was it.

Some things in life cannot be hurried. Some things are nurtured through long pauses. Some things grow and take root in slow-ness, in gentleness.

feeding my soul... some more

I wouldn't call myself an artist... I'm not an art critic, and I don't have any formal art training. But as someone who appreciates art, I think I can be a pretty good spokesperson for it. :)

Last Sunday I had the pleasure of going to another art show with this friend, to see the work of Tara Donovan at the Contemporary Arts Center.

I can't begin to describe Tara Donovan's work. Look her up on the internet, and you'll find some interesting descriptions and photos... but nothing compares to actually being there, experiencing it. There are no words for it. Her sculptures silenced me, gave me goosebumps and chills down my spine (in a good way), and brought me back to my center the way no other art has. It was actually... yogic. I could really see myself going back there to just sit in that space, and meditate on her art... like meditating on a mandala.

At the art shop of the CAC, I came across a book: "Seeing is Forgetting the Name of the Thing One Sees" by Lawrence Weschler. I think that phrase captured my experience that day.

Her work is on exhibit at the CAC until May 3rd. Oh, and did I mention that if you're an Enjoy the Arts member*, you can get 2 free tickets to the Contemporary Arts Center (among other places)? Otherwise, tickets are still under $10... a small price to pay for an incredible art experience.

*I personally think that the Enjoy the Arts membership is one of THE BEST things about this city.

reflections from a decision-making workshop

If God and I were having coffee and conversation, this is what I think s/he'd say...

Good dreams come from me you know,
My dreams seem impossible,
Not too practical
Not for the cautious man or woman.
A little risky sometimes,
A trifle rash perhaps.

Some of my friends prefer
to rest more comfortably,
in sounder sleep
with visionless eyes.

But from those who share my dreams,
I ask a little patience
A little honor,
Some small courage,
And a listening heart.
I will do the rest.

Then they will risk
And wonder at their daring
Run and marvel at their speed;
Build, and stand in awe at the
beauty of their building.

You will meet me as often as you want;
In your companions, who share your risk;
In your friends, who believe in you enough
To lend their own dreams,
their own hands,
their own hearts
to your building.

In the people who fill find your doorway,
Stay awhile and walk away
knowing they, too, can find a dream...

There will be sun-filled days.
And sometimes it will rain.
A little variety!
Both come from me.
So come now. Be content.

It is my dream you dream:
My house you build;
My caring you witness;
My love you share
And this is the heart of the matter.

- Charles Peguy

photo credit:
footpath
by Carlo Gatmaitan, 2008
http://pbase.com/carlogatmaitan

God Is

Ice storm, January 2009

Yoga comes from the Sanskrit word yuj, which means "to join" or "to unite". I've been fortunate to have the opportunity to deepen my yoga practice throughout the years, and although I am still in the beginnings of this yoga path I do realize that one cannot have yoga without spirituality. A yoga practice is really a spiritual practice -- and yoga and religion are not necessarily mutually exclusive. The word yoga means union, after all.

I heard this song at a workshop I recently attended and it really spoke to me of that union.

God Is
You want to know Me? You want to see My face?
I do not age with time; I do not fit into a space
I transcend the capacity of your eye, so who am I?
It is the question of the moment;
It is the question for all time
I am you, and you are mine

I am the beginning and the end
I am the faith in your believing
I am the color of truth
I am the dreamer of your dreams
I am the falling in your love
I am the words of a prayer
I am the silence in the music
I am the music in the silence

I am your father; I am your mother
I am the man who cannot cry
I am the story in your eyes
I am the orphan of war
I am the leper begging on the corner
I am the black slave in chains
I am the Muslim bride who cannot show her face
I am the cross you carry again

I'm all you have forgotten
I am all that you have not been
I am in you -- all of this is within you
Let the journey begin...
I am in you.

- Danielle Rose

snow day

Survival kit:
- fleece sweater
- comfy fluffy bedroom slippers
- lots of hot tea
- yoga and pranayama: (breathing exercise)

Specifically, the ujjayi breath (Sanskrit for "victorious breath") is great for warming up the body.

Sit in a comfortable position, lengthen the spine, relax the shoulders. Close the eyes, and inhale deeply through the nose, and as you exhale, slightly constrict the back of the throat to make a subtle hissing sound – just like you are fogging up a mirror, but with your mouth closed. It sounds a bit like Darth Vader, but more subtle! Do a few rounds and you’ll feel your body warming up.

Unfortunately I can’t really curl up under the covers with a good book since I have homework to do. But, I could take a power nap sometime today. And note that in my Wellness Log. (smile)

Stay safe and warm (and hopefully indoors) today!

photo from yogatravel.co.uk/yoga.htm

happy Thanksgiving!

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."
- Melodie Beattie

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Between our inevitable over-indulging today, let's pause for a moment and remember what we are grateful for.

I am thankful for...
my beautiful (and growing) family... Mom, Dad, grandparents, 3 brothers, 3 sisters-in-law, 2 nephews, and 2 nieces born this year!
friends near and far
opportunity and possibility
choices
my job, which to me is more than a job... it's my life's work
waking up to beautiful mornings, like today!
dark chocolate
the gift of movement... our bodies are amazing machines
art
dreams
the journey ahead
... and this mysterious, confusing, yet joyful and incredible thing called life.


Nischala Joy Devi, author of The Secret Power of Yoga, wrote about yoga philosophy according to  the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Here is her translation of Sutra II.39:

Acknowledging abundance (Aparigraha), we recognize the blessings in everything and gain insights into the purpose of our wordly existence.

Such abundance in this life!

blessing

Deep peace of the running wave to you;
Deep peace of the flowing air to you;
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you;
Deep peace of the shining stars to you;
Deep peace of the gentle light to you.

- Celtic Blessing

moment of clarity

(photo from www.art.com)

There's just something magical about moving through water. This is the place where I am most present with my breath, my body, my mind.

Just a few more days before the pool closes for the season.... (sniff)

the "I Want It So Bad" meditation

Based on my many, many, many attempts at sitting still to meditate, my first thought when I first read that title was, "I like it already!"

I've been going back and forth in my head, thinking about the things I want to do in my life (always the existential question), whether these things I want to do are REALLY what I want to do, in my quietest, most honest state... and whether these dreams are what will fulfill my purpose. In perfect timing, I stumbled upon this article to provide some needed direction and clarity.

Click here to read the article from Yoga Journal on a guided meditation practice for the specific intention of "I Want It So Bad."
(smile)

So set up your meditation space, wherever that is... light a candle (or not), play some music (or not), and have the printout of this article in front of you (that I really did), then set your intention and breathe...

happy birthday to me

So you'll have to bear with my dose of self-love here.

Today I declare: I am a headstand-ing, cartwheeling, frontwalk-ing, eat-my-dust running power walking, loving-life 29-year-old.

I've been having the perfect day... I got to do all the things that I love to do. It really doesn't take much to make me happy...

I should say this celebration of life, love, and friendship started last night when a group of friends and I gathered at this awesome sushi bar, where we sampled amazing Japanese edible art, shared stories, and got into fits of laughter. Thank you, my dear friends.

Then I woke up this morning to cloudless blue skies.



I started my day with a yoga class at this studio, where I stretched with a sense of gratitude and acceptance for my changing body (as a friend of mine says, as you approach 30, the warranty's over), and drifted into a blissful relaxation.

Then I went food and produce shopping in this bustling market, and had my favorite there-are-no-words-for-it waffle.

I received several calls and messages from family and friends.

Then I went for a long walk, and couldn't help but smile at strangers I passed on the street. I walked with a spring in my step, and ended in this park where I practiced more yoga and some gymnastics (didn't I say I would do cartwheels outside this spring?), enjoyed the soft grass, the warm sunshine, and the cool refreshing breeze. As I was practicing downward dogs and headstands, I gazed at the grass right in front of me, and despite the seemingly random, chaotic sea of green, I realized that I found a point for meditation, right in the center of it all: "order in chaos."


It's amazing how nature can really heighten your awareness of the present, and of being alive... I drew long, deep breaths while in headstand, feeling supported by the soft earth.

So of course I had to run walk back home to grab my camera and capture the moment. Thank goodness this park is only about a mile from my home!

(view from a headstand)

So I'd like to share some more of the beautiful moments I captured today.
Who would have thought weeds could be so interesting?

The amazing thing about weeds is that they just GROW, against all odds. As nature intended. And so do we... with every experience, pleasant or unpleasant. We grow, when we embrace all that life has to offer, while saying, "Bring it on." We grow, when we open ourselves to new perspectives, and when we accept and learn from past mistakes. We grow, against all odds.

 It's amazing to see a different perspective the closer you are to the ground.

"If you want to kiss the sky, better learn how to kneel." --U2

And so I kneel, with a deep sense of gratitude, for all the wonderful souls who brought joy and beauty into my life for the past 29 years. Thank you for celebrating with me!

peace and calm in the eye of the storm

Have you ever read the children's book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst?

Well, it was one of those days. On a typical day, I'm a calm, happy person (just don't withdraw my daily dose of dark chocolate). Usually I'm able to take things in stride, and life is good. But sometimes, especially after a long bout of peace and quiet, life gives you a tidal wave.

Admittedly, I am an emotional eater. On a typical day, I make fairly healthy choices. But tonight, dinner consisted of ginger snaps and dark chocolate (thanks, Meredith!), a couple of mandarin oranges, and green tea.

And my yoga asana practice today consisted of the following:

Savasana

Yes, you read that correctly. Savasana, or corpse pose. That's it. That's the only yoga asana I did today. On other "terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad days", sometimes I feel the need to run and release energy. But today was just exhausting. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. So I did not want to sweat through a power yoga or a vinyasa yoga practice today; nor did I want to do even a flowing Taoist yoga practice. A long savasana was in order.

Savasana is one of the highlights of my yoga asana practice. After doing moving sequences such as sun salutations and other poses, savasana is the time for final relaxation. You just lay there, close your eyes, and breathe. It's the time for just letting go, of releasing control. Those of you who know me well, you'll say this is a departure from the other controlled areas of my life. There's no pressure to achieve anything (Again, if you know me well, this is a departure from my sometimes over-achieving self.).

But this is why savasana is so needed. Over-achieving or not, anyone can benefit from this practice. Whether you lay here for 5 minutes or 50, it can do your body and mind lots of good. In savasana, just be.

Interestingly, savasana can also be one of the most challenging asanas. Letting go can truly be challenging. Every day, we stick to schedules and commitments and exert control over our activities and choices throughout the day. Every day, we are connected to our phones and computers. Disconnecting from that can be hard, and re-connecting with yourself can be hard as well. We are constantly bombarded by thoughts. Do you find yourself going through long stretches of time in which you just can't quiet the mind? I know I do. We go through our days talking, sending emails, doing chores, surfing the Internet, watching TV. One day, it just hit me that I have 4 email accounts. Quieting the mind can be so elusive! It helps to really "set the stage" for true relaxation.

In savasana, I just lay down and use props to make myself as comfortable as possible. Using props can make a world of difference in yoga, and you can use what you already have around your house:

- a bolster or pillow to place beneath the knees, to elevate the legs slightly; this also helps those with lower back discomfort
- a blanket
- an eye pillow (I have one that is filled with seeds and dried lavender for a relaxing scent)
- soft music

Just close your eyes... allow your body to become heavy, almost like you are sinking or melting into the ground. Thoughts naturally can come into your mind, and just acknowledge them, then let them go... without really attaching to them. Sometimes, when it's extra difficult to quiet the mind, repetitive phrases (mantra) can help. In my savasana practice tonight, I repeated this mantra in my mind: "I am safe. I am whole. I am loved." What a great affirmation -- I need all the positive energy I can get!

Then, release all control of your breath -- let your belly naturally rise and fall with every inhale and exhale. You can visualize your stress, tension, or negative energy leaving your body as you exhale, and let it just float away into space.

Aaaaahhhhh.......

I just did a long savasana. It was like being in the eye of a storm, where everything is quiet and completely still. And I can't erase the fact that it truly was one of those days, but my mind is a bit fresher, my energy a bit more positive. Perhaps, despite the terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day, I can go to sleep peacefully, thinking about positive affirmations. Tomorrow is another day....

And tomorrow, I'll be looking out for spring blossoms. It WILL be a better day.

meditation

Breathing in, I am aware of the feeling of joy in myself.

Breathing out, I smile to the feeling of joy that is in myself.

Breathing in, I am aware of the feeling of happiness in myself.

Breathing out, I smile to the feeling of happiness that is in myself.

Breathing in, I am aware of the painful feeling in me.

Breathing out, I release the tension within that painful feeling in me.


(Unfortunately, I forgot where I read this. I found the scrap of paper where I jotted it down, but I didn't write the source. I think it was either from Yoga Journal or Body & Soul magazine.)

Meditation allows me to be as in-the-moment as possible... whether the moment carries joy or pain. As you sit and breathe, allow yourself to feel the way you feel. Even if it can sometimes be scary or unpleasant. Acknowledge it, accept it, then let it go... and allow some room in your mind and heart for peace and light to enter.

"as we think, so we become."

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. Speak or act with a pure mind and happiness will follow you as your shadow, unshakeable. - The Dhammapada

I often begin a yoga practice by creating an intention. The power of the mind, intuition, and intention sometimes goes unharnessed.... and so I think, what intention do I want to set for the next hour, as I move, stretch, and breathe?

The options are many... whether it's to stretch and heal a certain body part that's stiff or sore... or to focus on the breath, releasing stress with every exhale... or to listen to your body and be kind to yourself... or to send out positive energy to someone you know (or don't know) who may need some peace or healing.

Whatever it is, I encourage you to be present with yourself in your yoga practice... there is nothing else happening right now except your breath, your movement, and the creation of positive, healing energy through your intention.

I know it makes a tremendous difference in my own practice!

light on yoga

"The Light that yoga sheds on Life is something special. It is transformative. It does not just change the way we see things, it transforms the person who sees. It brings knowledge and elevates it to wisdom." -- B.K.S. Iyengar