meet resistance with ease

I'm going through a little craziness this week. Much of it is my own doing (as usual... still trying to master Covey's time management matrix), but I'm really feeling the effects of my misguided prioritizing.

But enough with the guilt - it does not really help the situation.

I felt the anxiety creeping up on me again today. I now recognize the warning signs: tension in my shoulders and neck, tightness in my chest, shortness of breath (despite not doing anything vigorous or remotely physical).

First I started pacing around the apartment.

Then I started trying to go through my stacks of papers and other things to read. Didn't help either.

I resisted the urge to stress-eat my way through my Vosges Haut Chocolat Black Salt Caramel dark chocolate. (Ok, I did eat a small piece though.)

I ignored (with difficulty) the urge to stress-cook.

And then I came across these words: meet resistance with ease.

(Imagine light bulb turning on here)

So I came back to the most natural, yet sometimes most difficult thing to do: BREATHE.

I sat on a chair so I can support my back and shoulders, closed my eyes, and breathed.

At first it was challenging - with the many deadlines and tasks swirling around in my brain. I almost gave up, thinking, "I should use all the precious minutes I have today to work." But I decided to sit with it for a while.

I used the sound of my breath to drown my thoughts, and focused on listening to its sound. It was almost like white noise; steady and soothing. I realized the ease with which I can breathe. And I came back to what I knew all along: I CAN calm my mind. I CAN calm my nerves.

With every inhale I summoned my strengths and gifts to bring to my work.

With every exhale I visualized the weight slowly lifting from my shoulders and chest.

Meet resistance with ease...

seek passion

 

Ikebana at the North Carolina Arboretum

Passion makes the old medicine new:
Passion lops off the bough of weariness.
Passion is the elixir that renews:
how can there be weariness 
when passion is present?
Oh, don't sigh heavily from fatigue:
seek passion, seek passion, seek passion!

- Rumi

How do we seek passion in our lives?

I chose to post these ikebana pictures, because it so clearly illustrates the idea of putting passion into what you are doing versus just doing it.  Ikebana is not just a matter of shoving flowers into a vase. It's an art form that that requires one to be mindful, to be present. It requires both discipline and creative expression. It's an example that rules can coexist with passion. In many ways, it's how I would like to live my life. 

 

Ikebana at the North Carolina Arboretum

Do we go from day to day on auto-pilot? Or do we immerse ourselves fully in every moment?

I just had an interesting conversation with someone today who said that she likes feeling "jazzed-up" in her work. I like that.

I have to admit, there have been times when I practiced yoga on auto-pilot. You know how it goes: inhale, sweep arms up overhead, exhale and fold forward, inhale to lengthen the spine, exhale to step feet back in plank, inhale in plank, exhale to lower. Inhale to upward dog, exhale to downward dog. Neglect how you feel, forget to breathe deeply, obsess about the time. Yes, I've been there.

When you do something often enough there is a tendency to do it automatically. To take shortcuts. It happens in day to day routines, and it happens in my yoga practice too.

It takes some reminding to make myself more fully aware of what kind of practice I need on any given day.

I've learned that it's so important to check in with myself at the beginning of each yoga practice. To just sit and breathe, and be aware of any physical sensations and yes, even emotions, that need attention. Whatever we feel inside, is usually manifested outside - in how we breathe, how we tighten our shoulders, how we tighten our jaw and facial muscles.

I've learned that those 5-10 minutes --of just sitting and practicing pranayama (breath work)--tells me a lot. Sometimes it tells me I need a flowing vinyasa sequence; sometimes it tells me to slow down with a softer, slower yin practice. Sometimes it tells me to sit and breathe some more; and sometimes it tells me that I need a deep, delicious relaxation in savasana. That time of sitting and breathing also reminds me to enjoy whatever I decide to do. To put passion into it. Whether it's a breath that goes deep into your belly, a nice spine-lengthening downward dog or a rhythmic, flowing vinyasa. I've been in classes with instructors who tell you to close your eyes during a sun salutation. I think that helps me really feel the poses -- the movements, the transitions, and the pauses. It helps me put passion into it.

The same goes for whatever else we do in life... seek passion!

snow day

Survival kit:
- fleece sweater
- comfy fluffy bedroom slippers
- lots of hot tea
- yoga and pranayama: (breathing exercise)

Specifically, the ujjayi breath (Sanskrit for "victorious breath") is great for warming up the body.

Sit in a comfortable position, lengthen the spine, relax the shoulders. Close the eyes, and inhale deeply through the nose, and as you exhale, slightly constrict the back of the throat to make a subtle hissing sound – just like you are fogging up a mirror, but with your mouth closed. It sounds a bit like Darth Vader, but more subtle! Do a few rounds and you’ll feel your body warming up.

Unfortunately I can’t really curl up under the covers with a good book since I have homework to do. But, I could take a power nap sometime today. And note that in my Wellness Log. (smile)

Stay safe and warm (and hopefully indoors) today!

photo from yogatravel.co.uk/yoga.htm

more lessons from my nephews

Lesson #2: Find that which puts you in the "zone" -- that place where time stands still.

A sitting meditation hasn't always been the high point of my yoga practice. I'll be the first to admit, I'm not very good at sitting still. I do practice -- I set up my space, my music, candle, blanket, etc.... but as the name suggests, my meditation practice does require practice, and it is always a work in progress.

Meditation for me is most often a moving meditation, which most often is swimming. I love it. Many times I find myself rushing home to change out of my work clothes and run to the pool. I just jump right in, having the water all to myself. I've always considered myself an antisocial swimmer. So much that when a child started to talk to me as I was swimming, her parent called out, "Honey, don't talk to that lady, she wants to swim!" As I swim the breast stroke (or at least my version of it), I get into a calming rhythm of kick, glide, pull. It puts me in that "hit the pause button" mode. I don't know if my "moving meditation" will be frowned upon by meditation masters or gurus, but that's what it is to me... it's almost an escape. It reminds me of that sense withdrawal practice in yoga - bhramari, or the "humming bee" breath.

Here is a definition from my yoga teacher training book:

"Bhramari is a breath that calms the mind through nada (inner sound). The sound is very similar to a humming bee. Bhramari can be used in the place of chanting and mantra meditation. To practice bhramari, begin with a long, complete inhalation and exhale through the nasal cavity while constricting the glottis and softly hummng. The humming sound comes from the back of the throat. You will feel a vibration behind the soft palate and in the nasal cavity. This completes one round.

Shinmuki mudra is often used during bhramari and is extremely helpful in finding one's inner sound. Shinmuki mudra is done by placing the thumbs into the ears, closing off external noise. The forefingers are laid over the eyebrows, the middle fingers over the closed eyelash line, the ring fingers rest above the nasal rim and the little fingers are beside the edges of the mouth." (Anna Ferguson & Lennessa Trent, Tymeless Health: Guide to Practicing, Teaching, and Living Yoga). The purpose of this mudra, or "seal", is to withdraw the senses -- any external sights and sounds or any other distractions-- bringing awareness to your inner self.

(photo by Anna, at our yoga teacher training)

It probably sounds a bit strange as you are reading it. But I remember the first time I tried it at my yoga teacher training, and what a powerful experience it was.

Needlesss to say, swimming gives me that same powerful experience of just being, and time seems to stand still. Kick, glide, pull, breathe.

But whatever it is that puts you in the "zone", whatever it is that makes you feel like nothing else matters - be it hiking, taking photos, cooking - go ahead and do it. That's what I love about this photo of my 2 nephews above. I love the look of concentration on their faces, and how their heads were even tilted in the same direction! All that mattered was that house/castle/fort that they were building. They were in their zone, oblivious to me and my camera, and the noise from the throngs of kids and adults swarming around.

induldge in self-care

On March 10th, my grandmother joined her Creator. My father said it was a beautiful death... she was at home, surrounded by family. Needless to say, it was still difficult for the loved ones she left behind, even though we know that she is now at peace and no longer suffering in a physical body that was failing.

I took two days off work, to give myself time to just sit, meditate, cry, or do nothing. Typically the "doing nothing" part is hard for me to do. Not surprisingly I also got into stress-cooking mode, which fed my soul (and my friends and coworkers).

One of the best pieces of advice I heard during this time was from a dear friend of mine who said, "Just stay home and hug yourself."

It's amazing how something that sounds fairly simple can just be exactly what you need. It wasn't rocket science, but it made perfect sense.

Everyday we are bound by commitments... to family, work, school, friends. Not that this is a bad thing. But some days we just really need to indulge in "me-time"... without feeling guilty. Sometimes this modern work ethic gets in the way, and "me-time" sounds a little selfish... but then I thought, if doing self-care can make me a better person, then why not?

I actually took the "hug yourself" advice a bit further and got an hour-long massage (Thanks Elizabeth!). What a great way to spend a Friday evening and end the work-week. For the first time all week, I slept like a baby.

I started to make a mental list of "me-time" and/or equivalents of "hugging myself"... and for once I tried not to list things that involve any chocolate.

- sit in silence and practice pranayama (breathing exercises) or meditation, even for at least 10 minutes
- practice some yin yoga
- bring back my tea ritual (using a teapot, little Asian teacups, and loose tea leaves from this place ... the works) and do nothing else for at least 5 minutes while enjoying my tea
- soak in the bath with my detoxifying bath salts and calming lavender essential oil
- maybe, just maybe, get another massage (I fear that this will be quite addicting... and a pretty pricey addiction to support)

I hear my tea kettle whistling.... water's ready!

photo by Camille, 2006

meditation

Breathing in, I am aware of the feeling of joy in myself.

Breathing out, I smile to the feeling of joy that is in myself.

Breathing in, I am aware of the feeling of happiness in myself.

Breathing out, I smile to the feeling of happiness that is in myself.

Breathing in, I am aware of the painful feeling in me.

Breathing out, I release the tension within that painful feeling in me.


(Unfortunately, I forgot where I read this. I found the scrap of paper where I jotted it down, but I didn't write the source. I think it was either from Yoga Journal or Body & Soul magazine.)

Meditation allows me to be as in-the-moment as possible... whether the moment carries joy or pain. As you sit and breathe, allow yourself to feel the way you feel. Even if it can sometimes be scary or unpleasant. Acknowledge it, accept it, then let it go... and allow some room in your mind and heart for peace and light to enter.

just breathe

Breath control, or pranayama, is such an important focus in yoga. In a yoga class, or even in a yoga instructional DVD, you'll hear the instructor say "find your breath," "even out your breath", "move with the breath," "breathe into your abdomen" and so forth. Breath awareness and control has a whole lot of benefits, besides the obvious fact that we can't do without breathing. But how often do we really pay attention to it?

Physically, abdominal breathing forces air slowly into the base of the lungs. This, in turn, stretches the diaphragm, which sits at the base of the lungs. There are nerves attached to the diaphragm that trigger the body's natural relaxation response. Isn't the human body amazing?

But enough of the anatomy lesson for now. Paying attention to your breathing is such a great way to develop self-awareness and techniques for stress relief. The best part is, you can do it anytime, you don't need expensive equipment, and even if you can only carve out 5 or 10 minutes out of your day, that's a great way to start! While driving, waiting in line, or when an experience triggers an angry reaction... all of these are opportunities to ask yourself, how am I breathing right now? Is my breathing choppy? Am I breathing only through the upper part of the chest or all the way into the lungs and abdomen? Are my shoulders hunched, or are they relaxed away from my ears?

If you can, sit down and close your eyes for a moment... then just watch and observe the breath. You don't have to make efforts to control it yet. Just observe. And then start to consciously breathe in through your nostrils, feeling the collarbones expand and the chest rise, feeling the abdomen expand. Then exhale, letting your abdomen gently contract. If you want to, you can even place your hands on your ribcage to help you become aware of these movements. (If you've ever watched how a baby breathes while sleeping, you'll know what I mean.) Do this as many times as you need to... and enjoy the breath.

On the more spiritual side, you can even think of a word or thought that means something to you... whether it's peace, joy, love, or whatever you find meaningful in that particular moment. You can inhale and think of the word "peace", and then exhale, "love". Remember that whatever you concentrate on expands... whatever you focus your mind on has power. This is also a great way to start meditating -- focusing the mind on breathing and thoughts such as those mentioned (or whatever thought/ideal is important to you) can help drown out external distractions. And don't worry if you get distracted from time to time... that is why it is called a yoga practice or a meditation practice. And again, even if you can only find 5 or 10 minutes out of your day to sit and quiet the mind, you are practicing yoga! Yoga is not just about whether you can twist your body into a pretzel.

I found this poem on a poster at my yoga instructor's studio. It really speaks to me about setting a personal intention for my yoga practice, and I just had to jot it down and share it here.

Breathing in, I feel gratitude;
breathing out I give thanks.
Breathing in, I invite kindness;
breathing out I am kind.
Breathing in I feel loved;
breathing out I offer love.
Breathing in I know compassion;
breathing out I am compassion.
Breathing in I feel joy;
breathing out I celebrate.
Breathing in I am still;
breathing out I am at peace.

photo taken by Jen, summer 2006, Eden Park, Cincinnati