web-aholics anonymous?

I've talked about this before, and it's on my mind again.

The Internet.

Ah, my I-can't-live-without-you relationship. Sad, I know.

source

Hello, I'm Mia, and I'm a web-aholic.

Anyone else with me?

Or am I hearing crickets in the background? I know you're out there...

Recently I read an article about how the web is driving us mad. I do understand that the title is a bit inaccurate as it's not the internet itself, but how we use it (and the author does say this - that it's how we use it that creates problems).

I started thinking about this as I move forward in my new little venture that I wrote about yesterday, and how I would need to strengthen my online presence, my network, yada yada yada. And yes, I know it's important in any business.

Instagram. Pinterest. LinkedIn. Blogger. Facebook. And crap, now I have to tweet? (shudder)

I'm not against any of these things. In fact I use most of them (so far, except Twitter. Not quite ready for that). I don't know how we managed before Skype or Facetime, especially to keep in touch with family and friends who are half a world away. And I'm not afraid to say I love using these tools - though some more than others. Duh, I write a blog, right? And I'm a self-proclaimed Instagram-aholic.

It used to be (years ago) that I went on the Internet for a very specific purpose. To send an email, for example. Going online meant waiting for a dial-up connection that was spotty at best (do you all still remember that somewhat annoying sound when connecting through dial-up? Those were the days...). I would send off my email then disconnect and turn that clunky computer off. And now we have information right at our fingertips, 24/7/365, all in sleek, fast, tiny-yet-powerful devices. How many of us check our email on our phones even before we get out of bed? (slowly and guiltily raising a hand here)

I've been thinking about this as Kristin has been writing a series on intentionality over the past several days (starting with simplifying our lives - go catch up here if you're interested - it's good stuff!)

But that's the key - it used to be that I got on the Internet because of a specific intention or purpose. Now, I sometimes catch myself realizing how it can really become an almost mindless, endless time-suck. It's no longer very mindful or intentional because it's something that is just always there. Being online has now become a default state. Just think about all those smartphone apps that have "push notifications" that make something pop up on your screen every second of the day (ok, I'm exaggerating) unless you choose to turn it off in your settings.

"In less than the span of a single childhood, Americans have merged with their machines." (Tony Dokoupil)

 No wonder it's so easy to get overwhelmed.

I've gone through phases of taking breaks. Several months ago I took a Facebook break, and I've since lessened my use of it once I got back on. Last week I didn't write anything on my blog. I felt the need to be away for a little bit and unplug, and just do something else. I also didn't want to write just for the sake of posting something on the blog. Interestingly, a couple of my friends also talked about how they felt the need to do the same last week, and I've even read other bloggers write about the need to take a break. Funny how I heard this from so many people, at the same time I had been thinking about it for the past couple of weeks. There must have been something about how the planets were aligned recently or what phase the moon was in, I don't know.

Regardless, I think it's great when that happens. It's good and healthy to recognize when we need to turn off. Though I think it would be even better if I learned to manage it from the start before I get overwhelmed.

I think the key is to remember how the Internet is a tool, after all. A hammer - or any tool for that matter - is only as good as its user; if the user has the skill to manage it and use it toward a specific end or outcome. The next step then would be to keep our intention or outcome in mind, then be selective about the online tools we use, and finally to manage how we use it. It becomes problematic when the Internet controls us, when it really should be the other way around. The problem is that it's just so.freaking.addictive. (I'm looking at you, Instagram.)

So in thinking about my Internet use, I started to feel a sense of dread, almost, as I thought about the need to do more online marketing and be even more plugged in once I "officially" launch my business. But in the end, it's also a choice. I read an interesting take on Facebook from a successful blogger who chose not to use it (see here - part 1 and 2). So maybe I won't have to start tweeting, after all. Whew. I can choose not to.

Yes, my use of the Internet comes from a desire to connect with others. I've started making some great connections online and I do enjoy my (small) online blogging community. The Internet is only one of the tools to meet that end. I actually enjoyed my Facebook break - I decided I would more intentionally re-connect with others by making more phone calls or sending a card via snail mail. (I still enjoy doing that... don't you?). But a certain amount of being plugged in is inevitable, and it's up to me to make healthy choices and manage my online time.

On "Sacred Space"

I loved this article on the need to reclaim sacred space. Such a great reminder to allow ourselves time to be free of interruptions and enjoy just being alone with our thoughts without the constant dings and beeps from our mobile devices. This friend recently told me about how she started sketching and drawing again - what a great example of creating sacred space.

I'm looking forward to my sacred space on my yoga mat today - I'll be teaching a class tonight (yay!). Then there's my after-dinner walk with A., when we talk about our dreams, exchange even more childhood stories, or laugh at the corniest of jokes. And my sacred space in the kitchen to experiment with a new shortbread flavor or bond with my ice cream maker. ;-) All great times to be mindful, intentional, and present.

How do you unplug? Do you intentionally create a "sacred space" for yourself?

resetting my system

Do you ever feel like you are out of balance? As though your operating system needs an update and a reboot (I can't believe I'm using computer lingo!)?

This past weekend I certainly felt like hitting the "reset" button. I think that I've been feeling this imbalance that has been slowly building up over time as a result of some not-so-great habits.

I've been reading a little bit about Ayurveda (translates to "the science for longevity"). I'm not reading any particular books, just websites for now - such as this one and this one. I've always wanted to study Ayurveda a bit more systematically, but my "main" area of study has been my priority. I have a feeling I'll just be a perpetual student of life. After I get those elusive three letters behind my name, I'd like to study yoga more fully again, as well as Ayurveda, and photography, a new language, and....

Ok, back to my imbalance. As I wrote about in this old post, I believe my predominant dosha (mind-body-state) is vata. Lately, I've been feeling very distracted and unable to focus, both during work and rest periods. I toss and turn at night, thus affecting my energy level and alertness the following day.

I also started thinking about times in which I felt my system was in balance - when I felt energized, alert, creative, and rested. As I reflected more, the list below started making more sense to me...

Source

I would say the second bullet point has been difficult for me: maintain a consistent daily routine. As I no longer have a regular 8-5 day job and work at home most of the time (except for 2 days on campus), structuring my time productively has been a challenge. When I did work a regular job, I was busybusybusy and yet I made time for movement and creative outlets as well as social activities and volunteering. My life was full.

It's because I had a consistent schedule. Consistency is grounding. This tip sounds like a no-brainer, but it's amazing how much of a lifestyle change working at home is. On some days, I have tried to actually get dressed in the morning as though I were going to work, even if it was a work-at-home day. I've heard of other work-at-home folks who really get dressed in corporate attire, have a separate physical space for working at home, and only get out of their home office to take a scheduled lunch break and scheduled breaks in between. And they swear by it as being effective. Wow - that's a lot of discipline! With my work-at-home situation, it's been all too easy to lounge in comfy yoga pants with my messy bed-head while working... and it's been all too easy to get distracted.

Keep exercise gentle and regulated. I have been thinking about this one too, especially after reading a friend's blog post about exercise (a great read!), particularly on increasing stimulation and exercise intensity to stay challenged and continue strengthening muscles. But I suppose I can still challenge myself and increase intensity in gentle ways. Especially thinking about how I'm (a) already in my thirties and losing bone density right this minute, and (b) osteoporosis runs in my family - I do need to incorporate more challenging exercises into my routine, while listening to the needs of my body. I've been doing the 21-day yoga challenge to keep myself inspired and motivated rather than sticking to my same old routine of only favored poses. It truly is important to mix it up and practice poses you don't like as much (as long as they are still safe and appropriate for you) to stimulate other muscles not otherwise challenged, and to challenge the mind as well (hello, revolved triangle). Last weekend's yoga challenge video was a lot of core work (it felt more like Pilates!), and boy did I feel it the next day - only goes to show how much I've neglected my core.

On sleep... Last week, I was also on a better sleep schedule. I got 7-8 hours of good sleep and started my days earlier than usual. And then the weekend rolls around... and I slept in both days, resulting in a lot of tossing and turning the following night. I'm feeling the effects of that now. I think that there's room to be forgiving in terms of my sleep schedule on the weekend, but sleeping in for maybe 30 minutes later than usual is probably more reasonable than sleeping in for 2 hours past my weekday wake-up time. 

"Express your creativity in focused and satisfying ways and allocate space and time for this." I like this piece of advice. I know I do better overall when I have a creative outlet - whether it has to do with food or photography, or even just home design/improvement and rearranging things at home in artful ways.

"up at the trees" original print by this friend, printed in wallet size and arranged asymmetrically in multiples

How do you stay balanced?

ants in your (yoga) pants?

So I was wondering why I felt so "antsy" today.

I couldn't sit still, couldn't focus on any one thing for more than a few minutes. I had so many things to think about and do for the next few days.

Then I realized that the problem was right in front of me:

Exhibit A

To make matters worse:

Exhibit B

See my issue?

CLUTTERED DESKTOP.

Not just the physical desktop (oh yeah, that is cluttered too by the way -- files and folders and notepads and books), but my computer desktop. All those Firefox tabs, open documents, etc etc. And I'm totally giving myself away with the Exhibit A image above: out of the 8 visible open tabs, 1 is for email (thank goodness for automatic email forwarding, so I only have one main account to check!), 2 are recipe searches, 2 are for teaching, and 2 are yoga related. And 1 tab is on the weather channel because I tend to obsess about it (the island girl is STILL not used to winter).

And worse, I have not one, but TWO cluttered computer desktops because I use both Mac and Windows on my Mac (sounds geeky, I know...). So I have files open on Windows too because some of my shared virtual workspaces are only Windows-friendly.

Aaaah. The nature of the multi-tasking beast.

I don't think multi-tasking is wrong necessarily. It's what helps me cook soup, clean the apartment, design my online course space, and listen to a podcast at the same time. But at what point does multi-tasking make work ineffective? At what point does it slow you down?

The thing is, there's physical clutter and mental clutter and "electronic clutter". It's all the same. Clutter is CLUTTER. 

Clutter gives me the "ants in your pants" feeling.

Meanwhile, I am making the decision to take a half hour break, turn my laptop to "sleep" mode, and practice some pranayama and meditation. Turning off my electronic clutter.

I remember one of my 2011 words: BALANCE. Working on it...

What do you think about physical/mental/electronic clutter? How do you manage it?

balance and nourishment

I've started to feel overwhelmed lately.

I sat down and listed my to-do's for the next 6 months and the rest of the year and I almost went into a semi-panic, looking at my list of at least 5 big projects, all of which have to do with my academic life.

So I got up and made some soup.

(Recipe to follow later... it was REALLY good, by the way).

But such is my defense mechanism. Cooking and creating soothe my nerves, and provide me with some grounding and centering. An opportunity to breathe.

Then I went back to work.

Before I go on, I have a feeling that this will be a long blog post. I've been doing a lot of introspection lately... mostly on my professional/academic life. It must be because I've been working on my academic portfolio for the past several days. But anyway...

In thinking about my defense mechanism/stress relief (a.k.a. my compulsive, I-have-to-do-it-now stress-cooking sprees), I went back to thinking about my word for this year. In my journal, I wrote that the word I want to encapsulate 2011 to be BALANCE/BALANCED. Last year (2010) was about COURAGE and INSPIRATION, to tackle the many challenges ahead. 2009 was about TAKING ACTION, because it was a year of opportunity, decision-making, and transitions. I do like thinking of my big words for the year.

But I was led to think about how I want to achieve BALANCE: a BALANCED state of mind, body, and soul.

Why BALANCE? I started thinking about how I love balancing poses.

Tree pose, New Hampshire, Summer 2006

photo by Dad

Tree pose, Maryland, Fall 2008

photo by Minnie

I do love balancing poses. I don't mean that I never fall out of them -- I do, just depending on the day -- but I still love them. Maybe it's my dominant vata dosha in my personality in need of grounding, or my childhood gymnastics aspirations. I love all the elements that make up a balancing pose like tree or half-moon, or my favorite, dancer pose.

Dancer pose, Cincinnati, Summer 2006

photo by Jen

Dancer pose, Cleveland, Winter 2010

 

The centering of focus, the attention to the breath, the feeling of strength and stillness coming from deep in your core. The feeling of integration: integration of breath, mind, and body, the integration of subtle movement and peaceful stillness. The integration of process/effort and form/outcome, no matter what the outcome is -- whether it's gracefully achieving the pose you sought out to do, or modifying it, or falling out of it...gracefully, or not. It's all ok.

In my senior year of college, my best friend of 20+ years wrote these words to describe me: "a pillar of quiet strength." Words I hold very dearly. When I feel good in an asana practice, when I feel in tune with my body and mind, that is how it feels: Quiet strength.

So how do I take these lessons of balance and integration into my life?

To do that, I didn't set out to make a list of new year's resolutions in the manner of writing "things" to do. I didn't want to make a list of to-do's, only to abandon them by February. I find that I'm constantly reflecting, planning, and re-evaluating my choices throughout the year anyway. So instead, I wrote first about the things that throw me off balance:

• Poor sleeping habits
• Not enough vegetables
• Not enough movement, or too much
• Not enough sunshine and fresh air
• Not enough creativity
• Not enough quiet time
• Not enough community...and by that I don't necessarily mean always being part of an organized, structured group... but to me it could mean an enjoyable conversation with one person, a few persons, or several
• Not enough chocolate (I know, I know.... *wink*)

Ironically, in this day and age of gadgets and gizmos and technology in all shapes, sizes, and forms, all the things that I need for balance are really just basic things. Well, almost, depending on how you classify chocolate. :)

So how do I address those things that throw me off balance? Instead of writing a list of WHAT to do, I wrote about the HOW. How I'm going to do things, and how I'm not going to do things.

I came up with this list:

• To do, not overdo.
• To strive for excellence, not perfection.
• To nourish and be nourished.

The words NOURISH and BE NOURISHED leaped out of the page. I suddenly remembered that the words "Nourish your life" were on my vision board which I created in 2008.

It's funny how words come back. It must mean something.

I reflected on the words some more, thinking about how they are, or can be at work in my life. Nourish your life. Nourish. Be nourished.

So it's no secret that I love, love, LOVE to cook...

 (Joy in the kitchen... bad hair day and all :) My brother took this surprise photo of me while I was preparing food for my 28th birthday dinner.)

And I love, love, LOVE to eat...

(Cutting into my flourless chocolate cake (thanks to this friend) on my 28th birthday, which was in... gulp... 2007. This was an evening of pure joy.)

...because cooking nourishes others, as it does myself. I love it when I make a great dish, unplanned, out of random ingredients I have in the pantry and refrigerator. I love it when I revise others' recipes and make it to my own liking. I love the ease in cooking, the slowness of it. The simplicity, or complexity of a dish, to suit your mood. The creativity of improvisation. The act of waiting, the element of anticipation and surprise. The combination of artfulness and precision of technique (ok, so I felt like an impostor saying that, not being professionally trained...) that results in a pretty baked treat. The memories attached to certain kinds of food. Yes, I fully attest to being an emotional eater... and I will assert that being an emotional eater -- in the way I described above -- is not necessarily a bad thing. I've said over and over again how being in the kitchen is therapy for me. And I love sharing this joyful experience by sharing a meal with a friend, or a few, or a big group... or gifting someone with homemade treats.

But more than that, I'm thinking of nourishment beyond the physical sense. Thinking about how I can nourish and be nourished in my academic life, my work life, my personal life. I think that is how I can achieve balance and be balanced.

And I realize....

To nourish someone else's learning, I need to nourish my own. I was trained as an early childhood educator, and in my years of teaching I have always felt the need to find ways to re-energize myself, to refill my cup, so to speak, so that I can face the next day and give my renewed energy. I've always found teaching not just physically or mentally challenging, but emotionally challenging as well... especially when working with special populations of children and families. I learned, though experience, that I need to prevent myself from being emotionally burned out so that I can still be effective as a teacher. Now, I am no longer working with children directly, but I am teaching adults. Being new to the world of college teaching, I am constantly second-guessing myself. Did I do enough? Did I communicate effectively? Did I model the same level of preparedness and professionalism as I expect from students? Did I evaluate students' work fairly? Did I support students' learning? Was I flexible enough to respond to students' needs, while still remaining consistent in my expectations? Did I share at least one thing that will make an impact on their professional lives? And most importantly: Did I honor each student's self-esteem and personhood?

I'm trying not to be too hard on myself, as I usually am. It's still a work in progress. I understand that this is a growing process. Instead, I am finding ways to nourish my own learning and growth. Whether it's doing research on effective teaching practices (yes... nerdy, I know... but such is the life in academia), or reflecting on my teaching. Whether it's talking to a peer going through the same experiences, or seeking mentoring from someone more experienced than I. I realize that all these are sources of nourishment.

To nourish someone else's spirit, I need to nourish my own. To exercise love and compassion toward others, I need to practice those same qualities towards myself. That means...

• To do, not overdo (yes, I said it again... I think I need to constantly repeat these words to myself. Stubborn me.).
• To work hard, and rest well
• To set high standards for myself, while being gentle and forgiving towards mistakes
• To learn from mistakes, and also reward myself for a job well done
• To set my own standards based on what I value as important, meaningful, and nourishing to myself and others. This is, and will be, a big challenge... because I am at a phase in my professional life in which it's all about meeting external standards and satisfying other people's expectations to get through. It is a PhD program, after all. I obviously need to think about this one some more...
• To immerse myself 100% in the process, but practice acceptance and non-attachment toward the results. In yogic/Sanskrit terminology, non-attachment is "vairagya". Oooh... that will be another challenge. I will have to remember the lessons from my asana practice of balancing poses: focused practice in the process, but acceptance and non-attachment towards the outcome.
• To be generous of my time and my gifts, while allowing myself time and opportunities to give "gifts" to myself. Not material gifts, but time for activities like writing/journaling/reflecting, time for movement and meditation, and time for art and creativity.

So, the big words for 2011: BALANCE and NOURISHMENT. Let's see how this year unfolds...

"push and yield"

An excerpt from one of my favorite yoga books:

"Every yoga posture involves a 'push' and a 'yield'. Pushing is an active force that moves the body further and deeper into the posture, gently exploring areas of tightness. Yielding is a passive force with which you wait and listen to the moment-to-moment feedback from your body; it's a letting go of resistance that allows the active force to be successful without being aggressive. The pushing and yielding elements occur simultaneously, as in a dance. Done properly, therefore, yoga is a matter of pushing and yielding, of 'doing' and 'not-doing,' at the same time."

- Erich Schiffman, Yoga: The Spirit and Practice of Moving Into Stillness, p. 48

Isn't this how we should live life? To aspire for balance through pushing and yielding. We need that "push" to challenge ourselves, but we also need to know when to "yield" and let go of control.

More to learn. So much to learn.

"do it all, do it well"?

"Do it all. Do it well."

I've been struggling with this idea for a while now.

Such is the culture of work. Productivity. Performance.

But something has to give, right?

Can one really do it all and do all of them equally well?

For example: The supermom with 2 kids, a successful, fulfilling career, and time to prepare delicious, healthy meals for the family AND volunteer at her children's school activities AND participate in community life/social life AND take care of herself.

Really? Is this an accurate, realistic picture?

I'm sure there are those who do seem like they can do it all and do all of them well. But when it comes down to it, the question is... does the above person sleep??? Does the above person really take care of herself? Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally? If so, I'd love to know how these people do it. And maybe package it all up in a bottle.

I just had a productive conversation this morning and I was told that I should give myself a range for my performance. If let's say the best performance is a 10, see if I can be ok with a range of 9-10, and if I can be ok with moving in that range. It's not setting myself up for a 10 but only performing at 2 or 3, which is different. But I need to see if I can be comfortable in the range of 9-10 (or maybe 8-10, as was the suggestion...).

Because a range of 9-10 (or whatever I decide my range is) will give me room to breathe.

Hmm. Something to think about.

It's the same in an asana practice, isn't it? We challenge our bodies and minds to try certain poses and achieve that delicious stretch... but the challenge should be just enough that we can still breathe freely and comfortably, stretch safely without harming ourselves,  and have a sense of openness and lightness in our bodies. We give ourselves a range - room to have just enough challenge, but also enough comfort and steadiness in the breath. Same thing.

So I need to set a range for myself. A range that is still forgiving, a range that says, yes my work is good enough. A range that gives me space to breathe.... and space to enjoy the deliciousness of the challenge while still taking care of myself.

And maybe even a chance to sleep soundly at night.

work/life balance

I had a recent conversation with a friend of mine who just went back to the Philippines for a 2-week visit. Now this friend is a highly intelligent, high-achieving, yet personable and fun-loving person. If there's someone you want who can get the job done (and more), she's your go-to gal. This girl can really WORK.

She talked about how laid-back the culture is back home. How our people know how to have fun (heck, we are the nation whose people can sing and dance at a citizen-organized revolution to impeach a president).

This is what I love about our culture. People know that family comes first. Work can be left in the office. After that, time is spent with family and friends. It's about family and relationships. After leaving the workplace, time is spent relaxing, doing leisure activities, whether at home or elsewhere.

But perhaps my view of life in my home country is skewed now. My parents are retired and enjoying life to the fullest, travelling like crazy, exercising, taking naps, and most of all, taking care of themselves. So I know my parents, by virtue of the life stage they are in, are not "representative" of the average person living there. But even people my age back home, who are building careers, seem to know the meaning of leisure and rest. And know where to draw the line between work and personal time.

In my conversation with that friend of mine, we realized how different life is here. I've lived here for almost 7 years, she for longer than that. We talked about how our work becomes our life. And no wonder we're under stress. "Duh". It's not rocket science.

How do we value our work? Work can be "just" work, or work can be a passion. Whether it's teaching children, balancing accounts, designing a product, or whatever it is you are committed to. When we love what we do, we pour all our energy into it. But ideally, we also have to allow ourselves to rest, so that we can greet the next day and continue our work with renewed energy. We owe that to our work, but more importantly, we owe that to ourselves. The fact that I say ideally is ironic, because shouldn't periods of rest be a given and not an ideal? But in this current economy, for many people it's not enough to just call it a day at 5 pm.

Is work a means to an end or an end in itself? We say we work the way we do to improve our quality of life.  And by quality of life, I mean work-life balance... I mean physical, mental, social, and emotional health. Does working the way we do increase the chances of having a better quality of life? What does it mean to have a strong work ethic AND work-life balance at the same time?

I'll have to ponder on those thoughts for a while. In the meantime, I'm going to take a break, take deep breaths, and practice some downward dogs and child's pose.

Then I'll have to get back to work.

simple rules

"Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours."
- Swedish Proverb


P.S. Those of you who know me well can attest to the fact that the "eat less" part will be hard for me. ;-)
Maybe they aren't so simple after all...

live in balance

"Live in balance between the head and the heart by filling your feelings with wisdom and your decisions with love." - Innerspace

centering during chaos

Photo by Eat Veggies, Drink Wine

Taken in Eden Park, Cincinnati

I am grounded.
I am centered.
I am at peace with myself.
Everything about me breathes the calm and peace of the soul.

"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."
- Unknown

Just little reminders for myself during these stressful times. Hope it helps some of you out there too.