ebb and flow

When it rains (snows)... it pours.

I have 4 big projects with deadlines that somehow all seemed to merge into the same week. Next week, to be exact.

I've come to realize that there is an ebb and flow to everything. Like last week, I think I posted 3 times on this blog. This week, zero, until today. Since this blog is more for a creative outlet and space for random musings, I don't hold myself to any particular number as far as frequency of writing here.

Or one week, I might walk some, practice yoga, try an online barre3 video. On another week, I may not have the energy for anything else but yoga.

Or, I might spend a whole afternoon cooking and baking up a storm (I like how Faith calls it a "kitchen rampage"). Then a week later, I just want takeout, when the only effort I can muster goes into opening the bag of food.

It's true with work as well. Some weeks are better than others. Some weeks, I feel like I have it all together and other weeks, I ask myself, "what the heck am I doing???"

I've come to realize that the balance also comes from being ok with this ebb and flow. Accepting what is.

Because it's all a matter of perspective. Or so I remind myself, when the anxiety hits. Life is never perfect. We'll never "reach" that so-called perfectly balanced state. I don't think it's a balanced state as much as it is a balanced perspective.

It's balancing the expectation of the task with my knowledge of myself. Not this lopsided view of overestimating the task and underestimating my abilities, as I tend to do.

Boracay, Philippines | December 2012

As I sit here watching the infamous "lake effect" snow fall outside my window, I am reminded of my time at the beach in the Philippines this past December and January. The ebb and flow of the tide, and how soothing it was in its rhythm.

I remember inhaling and exhaling with this ebb and flow, feeling this sense of calm just wash over me with every gentle wave that laps at the shore. Aaaahhh. The magic of the ocean.

But without this beloved tropical beach outside my door, I rely on my breathing once more. I visualize the steadiness of the tide.

And slowly, with the ebb and flow of my own breathing, I notice my heartbeat is no longer racing. My jaws loosen. My shoulders start to relax away from my ears, bit by bit.

Somehow, my breathing also silences the inner critic, and I find hidden underneath the anxiety is a source of energy and wisdom. 

And that was my short-but-sweet five-minute yoga practice. 

confessions of a yoga teacher

At 30+, I still get *slightly* giddy over pretty notebooks.

I will preface my "confessions" by saying that these are just personal preferences and tendencies, not judgments or evaluative statements about practices or preferences that are different from mine. It takes all kinds to make the yoga world go round.


Here goes...

~ I don't wake up at the butt-crack of dawn for a 2-hour asana and meditation practice. I stumble out of bed with my eyes half closed, head to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face, and then head to the kitchen because my stomach is grumbling.

~ I need my stimulants (i.e., espresso/cappuccino in the fall/winter, Earl Grey tea in the spring/summer) in the morning to get going.

~ I wish I could say I drink a freshly-made green juice every morning. But I'm more likely to have a chocolate croissant with said stimulants above. Or cake. But I do eat my greens at lunch and dinner.

~ Needless to say, I don't "salute the sun" with surya namaskara (sun salutations) in the morning. I will at sunset though. Or in the evening.

~ Sometimes, depending on what else is going on, my asana practice is just child's pose or a yin-style forward bend. That's it.

 ~ I don't chant OM in my practice. Or chant anything. Not to say I didn't try for a good long while. I understand the meaning behind OM, but I'd rather meditate on something that resonates more deeply and more personally with me (like a favorite prayer). I say it silently to myself. But if I am taking a class and the teacher leads the group through OM or a chant, I gladly listen.

~ On that note, I don't chant OM when I teach either. It's not that I'm "against" it. But if it's not in my own practice, how can I genuinely teach it?

~ I don't do crazy arm balances effortlessly like Kathryn Budig or Seane Corn. I've become more and more cautious over the years about the limitations of my physical body (and the fear of crashing on my face and losing a tooth). But I have done some crazy things like 108 sun salutations during the summer solstice.

~ I'm not crazy flexible. Gone are the childhood gymnastics days of straddle-split-chest-on-floor stretches. There are just certain things my body doesn't do, which I now have a deeper understanding of - thanks to the concepts of tension, compression, and proportion (with credit to Paul Grilley - his anatomy DVD changed my yoga world).

~ Related to the previous point above, I have never, and probably won't ever, sit in a full lotus. And that is ok, because my hips just won't seem to move that way and I love my knees too much to compromise them for what my hips can't do. And I want my hips and knees to carry me through old age 50+ years from now.

~ Although I know yoga is not really just about the physical poses - because the physical practice is just 1/8 of the entire yoga philosophy - sometimes, I really, really, really just want to "get it" while in a revolved triangle (not one of my faves). And I won't deny that I let out an excited squeal when I went up in a headstand for the first time during my yoga teacher training.

~ I never really liked the term "advanced" to describe someone who practices yoga. Someone once asked me if I were "advanced". I asked him, "what do you mean?" I truly believe in what my first teacher, Anna, said: "Always have a beginner's perspective." And I feel it in my muscles, my joints, and my mind every time I step onto the mat. The body doesn't lie.

~ And on that note, I would much rather use the term "committed" than "advanced" to describe someone who regularly practices yoga.

~ I hit a plateau in my yoga practice a few years ago. I just wasn't "feeling it" for some reason. But I definitely came back to it with a deeper appreciation the second time around. And it really drove the "beginner's perspective" home for me.

 ~ Sometimes I come in with a detailed plan (written down) for how I'm going to teach class. Sometimes I have a general plan in my head. It all depends - and it largely depends on who shows up.

~ I often get my right and left sides confused while teaching. Especially when I'm facing the group.

~ I've gone from omnivore to vegetarian (lacto-ovo) to "vegan" (" " used intentionally, because it lasted 2, maybe 3 weeks max - no matter what I do, I just do not get the same results when I bake with things like Earth Balance. I want the real-deal butter. I have Julia Child to thank.)... so I went back to vegetarian to most recently an occasional pescetarian. Dessert, however, is a mainstay. Always was, always will be. 

~ Though I'm pretty good at choosing what I eat and cooking things from scratch most of the time, I'm just as likely to make my own kimchi as I am to open a bag of Cape Cod salt + vinegar chips every now and then.

~ I don't remember all the Sanskrit names for the asanas (poses).

~ I'm not perfectly outfitted in color-coordinated Lululemon from head to toe. Target and Gap workout clothes work just fine for me (and my wallet).

~ I try my best to be a mindful and ethical consumer ("reduce-reuse-recycle"), but I am just as likely to reduce my use of plastic as I am to lust over a beautifully made, high-quality leather bag that will last for years.

~ I prefer not to have incense burning during yoga (whether I teach or attend a class). Especially if it's patchouli. But if it's already burning when I enter a yoga room, I'll just position myself far away from it.

~ I'm not a huge fan of "hot" yoga. I've tried it a few times, but I really just prefer regular room temperature. 

~ I don't plan my yoga music playlist ahead of time like I know some (or a lot of) teachers do.

~ I'm not relaxed and blissed-out 100% of the time which seems to be the general yoga teacher stereotype. I have anxiety and insomnia. And several years ago I suffered from depression too. There, I said it. But this experience deepened my yoga practice like no other.

~ And truth be told... you won't regularly find me in a cross-legged seated position, fingers in a mudra, and eyes closed, meditating. I try, I really do. It is a practice, after all. But I meditate better while swimming than I do while seated.

Yoga teachers or yogis/yoginis: 'fess up! I'd love to hear the quirks that make you "you".

video: "why yoga works: what is fascia and why it matters"

This video is over a year old, but I thought it would be worth sharing here... via MindBodyGreen

finding a yoga home

After nearly three years of living in Northeast Ohio, I have found a yoga home:

morning light at Agni Studio

Aaaaahhhhh. Don't you feel relaxed already?

chakra banner

And about half a year or so after I started taking classes there regularly, I am now officially teaching there - yay!

I like having the time to feel centered before teaching, so I usually arrive at least a half hour before class to practice here. 

It took me a while to get to this point. Conversations with Anna, my first yoga teacher, as well as Sharon, another yoga teacher. Conversations with my husband, who always gives me that extra push that I need. Conversations with yet another teacher who also gave me an extra nudge. And conversations with myself (sounds strange, I know) that don't involve talking myself out of it. 

I still get nervous from time to time before class starts. I remember the first time I taught the entire class, I had so much pent-up energy before class that I felt like I could run around the block. Oh wait, who am I kidding... I don't run.

I just try to prepare as much as I can, reading, practicing, breathing, maybe writing up a plan or some ideas for that day's sequence... while at the same time being in the moment while teaching so that I can respond to the needs of those who are in class.

I'm teaching twice a week now, slowly finding my voice as a teacher while also working to recall and apply all that I learned from those who have mentored and nurtured the teacher in me.

So thankful for this experience... I look forward to growing in this new role, and hopefully encouraging and honoring others in their respective yoga journeys as well.

Educate, support, inspire. This is the studio's "mantra", and what I try my very best to work towards in every class.

recovering

I don't know about you, but somehow it's taking me longer than usual to bounce back after a weekend of traveling.

I recall how, a few years ago, I traveled from Cincinnati --> New Jersey --> Columbus --> Kent --> Cincinnati --> Asheville --> Cincinnati in maybe... um, a week and a half. It felt like the Amazing Race. I'm sure other people travel way more than I do (how they do it is beyond me), but to me that was a lot. And yet, back then, I recovered quickly and was at work the very next day back. Somehow it's not happening for me now anymore, even after just traveling for one weekend to Cincinnati and Lexington. I was sleepy all day. I was so tired I skipped yoga class (not a class that I teach, but attend). My Monday night yoga class is not withing walking distance, and I felt like I was in a daze. Which meant I should NOT be driving, even for yoga.

Yesterday I tried to spend some time away from the Internet and mobile devices in the hopes of gaining some clarity on some thoughts I've been having. I'm not quite there yet... it really takes a lot of practice and focus to be able to sit quietly with yourself.

Meanwhile, my mind is spinning. There are so many things I want to write about.

Barefoot Works yoga studio, Lexington, KY. A happy, light-filled place.

An amazing yoga workshop last weekend in Sharon's lovely yoga treehouse. Learning how to teach yoga in ways that are supportive and therapeutic for each person's individual anatomy. Observing students with curiosity and compassion.

Getting out of my head (and all the doubting talk) and back in my body through yoga.

Sensations of floating unsupported to feeling fully supported and grounded, physically and energetically. Amazed at how the body just knows what is true.

And how yoga brings me back to that truth. Something I'm re-learning after my yoga plateau phase a few years ago. (Contrary to popular belief that people who practice yoga are always so zen and blissed-out. But maybe I'm the exception to the norm.)

And other random things like thinking about this article that poses a question on the effects of our Internet use and another article on sacred space.

Great times being reunited with my old friends EB, ML, and this couple, and talking until 4:30 in the morning with this friend - about food and art and friendship and finding our voice as women in society. Pretty heavy stuff. Really good stuff. (Thanks, AS.)

Sunset views from EB's rooftop and an evening walk in a tree-lined street. 

Sky over Lexington

Cracking the code of awesome Ethiopian food. I know. It isn't really a code. But that's how I feel about my cooking moments of triumph. :) Will write more on that soon.

And the thought that has taken up much of my brain energy and taken over my emotions lately: how my realization that the kitchen is where I am fearless actually has me feeling... afraid. Afraid that I'm not doing the right thing in my life right now. Even the thought of finally putting that in words right here is scary. Because I'm scared that maybe this is my truth. Scared that I've invested so much in something else when I have been skirting around my truth all these years. And at the same time not quite being 100% sure what is my truth - because isn't there a reason that things happen? A reason that opportunities knock? And isn't graduate school the reason I came here in the first place?

Scared to give up when I'm actually pretty close to the finish. And yet also fearful because those last few miles in a marathon are the hardest (not that I've ever run one and would want to run one, but you know what I mean). Wondering whether I should keep plowing through knowing that this happens to everyone... right? ABD ("all but dissertation") folks out there?

Scared because of that old voice from my childhood/adolescence, that I'm not as good a "finisher" as I am a "starter". And how that's showing up as patterns in my life, as hard as that is to admit. Hmmm... another symptom of vata imbalance? But despite that, I've done and completed many other things I've set out to do.

Scared about the truth in A.'s observation and insight about me, when I had a little (?) meltdown last week. That it may not be the situation that is my true enemy, but my way of thinking. And worrying.

Scared about whether I can be at peace with my decision, whatever it is.

Ok, so that was more than what I intended to disclose today. I know it probably sounds a little cryptic. But I had to write it for me.

Over and out.

yoga on my mind

I cannot believe it's almost the end of July. How did that happen?

In the meantime, I've been working on a few things... trying to get back into teaching yoga, for starters. I team-taught a class with another instructor/yoga studio director last night. As this was my first time to teach a group again (meaning, other than my husband!) after three years of not teaching, I *think* it went quite well. I taught a Vinyasa sequence (Sun Salutation A and B with variations) as well as introduced yin yoga at the end.

Interestingly, when the studio director and I talked after class, she asked me how I thought the class went. My response was that I *thought* it went ok. Typical...

I have to be honest and say I'm not the most confident person. I've had some people say that they wouldn't have thought that about me, but it's true. Mind you I'm not fishing for compliments here. I'm always thinking I did just ok and there are a million things running through my head about what else I could have done, what I could have done better or differently. I have also adopted the "mantra" of "fake it till you feel it". Ha! But sometimes, even when you fake confidence, in the end, you do feel it. Anyone else with me on this?

And interestingly, when the teacher and I talked after class, she said she intentionally did more core exercises during her part of the class to help me with my confidence (or lack thereof). Solar plexus chakra issues, I know. 

Anyway. She thought I did well teaching the vinyasa sequence, but her first instinct said that I would do great teaching a yin yoga class. And interestingly, when I taught yoga years ago, I taught more yin than vinyasa - although I do love both in my own practice.

Before I go any further, you might be asking, what the heck is yin yoga?

yin yoga "shoelace" pose | image source

Yin yoga is a more restorative and relaxing style of yoga that takes the stretch into the deeper connective tissues in the body, rather than the muscles, through long holds (3 minutes or more) with the muscles relaxed. Relating it to the Eastern philosophical concepts of yin and yang - which are opposing qualities that are present in all phenomena - yin types of movement refer to movement that is passive, cooling, and restorative, whereas yang types of movement refer to those that are active, warming, and dynamic, such as vinyasa yoga in which you flow in a moving sequence while linking the breath with every movement. Relating these concepts to the body, the connective tissues (ligaments, fascia) are yin, whereas the muscles are yang. Yang tissues (the muscles) are best exercised through repetition and movement to strengthen, whereas yin tissues are best exercised through slow and gradual traction. Yin yoga also focuses on the connective tissues around the lower back and hips, which are places in which we experience a lot of compression through our daily activities such as sitting at a desk for hours.

And why the connective tissues anyway? Paul Grilley, who wrote a book on yin yoga, explained: if you think about the careers of competitive athletes, many of them don't retire because of weak muscles - they retire because of problems in their joints. So through yin yoga, we put moderate stress on the connective tissue, thus gradually making it more elastic to protect our joints and maintain range of motion. Otherwise, "our connective tissues shorten to the minimal length necessary to accommodate our basic activities" (Grilley). So if our basic activities are largely composed of sitting, then, well, you get the picture.

Anyway... I won't go further into this topic other than to say that yin yoga has been such a great complement to my vinyasa and alignment yoga practice. It's a quiet, meditative practice. If you practice yoga and have not tried a yin class, go for it. Your body (and mind) will thank you!

I don't want to count my chickens before they are hatched, but I'm hoping to teach a vinyasa and yin yoga class soon...

I'm also going to a yoga workshop this weekend at this friend's delightful studio. Since it's all the way in Lexington, I'm going to make a quick trip out of it and stop by Cincinnati to see these friends as well as spend time with my friends EB and ML in Lex.

Lots of yoga talk today... now go get up from your desk and stretch for a bit.

Happy Friday, everyone!

what I need to do more of today (and everyday)

cat stretch | image source

A few minutes everyday doing this wouldn't hurt, would it?

where are you playing small in your life?

digging into my books

I read that question today and it was like a kick in the gut. (If you need a little cheerleading in your life, read the article here.)

So I'm taking the leap.

I went ahead and approached the yoga studio where I take classes, and told them I was interested in teaching. It took quite a while for me to get to this point. I completed my 300-hour yoga teacher training in 2006, but I haven't taught in.... let's see. Three years.

Generally I don't do well with decision-making. I don't read or follow astrology but I think indecisiveness is the stereotypical Gemini trait. It takes me forever and a day to make decisions sometimes.

I consider myself a THINK-DO-THINK person (rather than a DO-THINK-DO person) - to a fault, because I tend to overthink until sometimes, I make a bigger deal out of it than it actually is, then I end up talking myself out of it. Do any of you do this? Tell me I'm not alone. Anybody?


(Crickets)


I'm not sure why I had been holding back for so long. I was so much more fearless in my twenties, I think. (Geez it feels weird saying that: when I was in my twenties....). But that's partly the reason for this recent kick in the gut. Time is passing us by whether we like it or not. As cliche as it sounds, life is short. The longer we hold back to do something, the more time (and opportunity) passes us by. And I think that's when we become stagnant. Playing small means we stay in our comfort zone. I know "going beyond your comfort zone" tends to be an overused phrase, but it's true, isn't it?

image source

Sometimes I just need to tell myself, "do it." Well actually, it was A. who told me, "if you don't do it, I'll keep nagging you." I just need that push sometimes.

So one day I finally approached the studio owner to make an appointment to talk to her. When we finally met to talk, one of the first things she said was, "you're already part of the family!"

For the next few weeks I will practice teaching again, then the studio will offer a free community yoga class which will serve as my teaching demo. "Free" community yoga classes are typically donation-based; so donations from students are encouraged (but not required) and I can choose my own charity to which the proceeds will go.

In my "other" life, one of my professors said, "teaching is a privilege." And this is coming from a professor who has been at it for more than 15 years, and yet is still working to continuously improve, keep abreast with new or current strategies, and inspiring others to do the same. It's true though - teaching is a privilege. I've taught in different capacities (in my other life) and I take teaching very seriously. I just need to not take myself too seriously.

It's amazing though how opening yourself up to one experience or endeavor tends to open up another. It's almost like the courage you put into one decision spreads into the next. I have another "project" brewing right now which has been in my head for quite some time, and then just yesterday I thought, "what the heck, just do it!" I'll wait to share it as it's still in the works, but as you might guess, it is FOOD-related. :)

Where are you playing small in your life?

resting like a child

In yoga, there is a pose or asana called "child's pose" - or in Sanskrit, balasana.

image source

It's one of the things I look forward to the most in a yoga class or my own yoga practice. Child's pose is a resting pose - so during a guided yoga class the teacher might lead the group to rest in child's pose or to let you know that you can come to child's pose anytime you want to rest.

There are many ways to modify and customize this pose to suit the needs of your body at any given time, depending on what feels good to you. Hands by the hips or outstretched past the head. Knees together or apart. Placing blankets or pillows under the torso. Whatever's comfortable is how it should be for you.

Sometimes, a five-minute child's pose is my yoga practice for the day. Just being honest.

But there's something refreshing about coming back to this fetal position, in a way that lets you really feel and listen to your breath and allow it to slow down. To just stop whatever you are doing and unselfishly give yourself this time. Even if it's just a few minutes to scan your body or simply take a break. Or to give yourself time to respond to a stressful situation (or yes, even a stress-provoking interaction with someone) without saying or doing something you'll regret later.

I realize that when I'm in child's pose during a yoga practice, I never think about what the next pose is or should be. I don't question what I did prior to coming to child's pose. I don't watch the time. I don't try; I just let myself be. It really is blissful. Even if it's just for a minute.

Interestingly, outside of my yoga practice, beyond the mat -- this is a harder thing to master.

I was feeling burned out and unmotivated the last few weeks after completing a big project. I had been wondering why I couldn't shake off this feeling, this academic "writer's block". I finally decided to call a friend of mine who graduated from her doctoral program (thank you, EB for hearing me out... I am so grateful). She asked me, "have you allowed yourself to really rest?"

Then the light bulb came on. I really haven't. I was still trying to meet deadlines while on vacation time zones away in India, for crying out loud. 

Then once I completed the said project, I jumped on to the next one.

It's funny how we may tend to give ourselves fully to a task or project, but do a half-baked job at resting. I realize that even when I think I'm resting, I'm actually not. Because while I'm trying to rest I'm still thinking about work or feeling guilty about not working. I never truly shut off. So the rest time becomes counterproductive, because the guilt -- and all the other things going on mentally that keep me from resting -- are taxing. 

It's called child's pose for a reason:

image source

Babies... they do this so well. They rest 100%. No half-baked job here. Sigh.

I never thought resting would be hard to do. Yet it is. Somehow, eating chocolate chip cookies is much easier. ;-)

How to rest without the guilt. That is the question.

I'd love to hear from you, friends.

"you are good at things"

So for the past month and a half, I've been thinking about going back to teaching yoga after a LONG hiatus.

A month and a half of thinking, you think? I know. I take a while.

And I've already talked to this yoga teacher and this yoga teacher.

But I still hesitate.

Ugh. Me and my overthinking. All my "what-if's".

Going through my yoga teacher training is one of the best decisions I've ever made. Even if I haven't taught much, I still consider my training as an investment in my overall well-being. Despite all the recent controversies in the yoga world (how yoga can "hurt" you, how yoga is supposedly sexualized, yada yada yada....and if you've heard of these sensationalized topics or scandals and are discouraged from trying yoga... please, give yoga a chance), in essence it really has been a positive and transformative experience for me.

And wouldn't it be fantastic, if I can help others use yoga as a tool to enrich their own lives, however that might be to them.

But teaching scares the heck out of me.

And I've taught gymnastics.

I've taught infants and toddlers with disabilities. And preschoolers.

I've taught undergraduate and graduate students.

I've taught teachers (in my full-time profession, that is).

And in turn, they've all taught me, and my life is better because of it.

It's still scary.

Granted, I know for a fact that I need to revisit my anatomy studies. Teaching yoga, although it may look easy, is not just about playing Zen-like music and being all calm and collected. There's so much anatomy, alignment, and kinesthesiology that goes into it. Especially when it comes to students' safety.

But it's also largely my confidence (or lack thereof) that's stopping me.

Then I came across this funny video:



(I think my favorite one is the guy who said he's good at subtly letting other people know that they have something stuck between their teeth.)

Reminder: We're all good at things.

So... step 1: Prepare my yoga teaching resume.

Step 2: Review my anatomy books.

Step 3: MAKE.THAT.PHONE CALL!!!!!

Enjoy the video, and tell me which one is your favorite! And lastly... what unique/quirky things are you good at?


~


PS:
In case you are interested...
I like this response to the yoga-is-dangerous controversy, and this one too..
And here is a response to the "sexy" yoga video.

the simple pleasures in life

I realized that at the end of the day, my needs are not that complicated. A delicious healthy meal prepared with love and good karma, enjoyed with people I hold dear. A good stretch with some blissful yoga. And walks in the sunshine.

Well, a walk on the beach with a view of God-light wouldn't hurt.

Headlands Beach, Lake Erie

I love God-light.

Might as well throw in some yoga while I'm at it...

Hope you savored many moments of simple pleasures today, as I have...

Thank you, A., for the yoga action shots, and for the wonderful day of simple pleasures.

happy Monday

I just received an email this morning from this Filipino food blogger, telling me that I am the winner of his chocolate giveaway contest!

So I await 2 bars of chocolate (sourced from the Philippines... YEAH!) in the mail. One regular dark chocolate bar and one dark chocolate bar with fleur de sel. I love fleur de sel in chocolate... the sweet-salty combination just hits the spot.

The stars must have been aligned just right...

And another freebie... the yoga instructor at our student rec center gave us each a pass for ONE FREE WEEK OF YOGA at this studio! She actually gave it to us some weeks ago, and unfortunately I thought I misplaced it in between my stacks of books and papers... and then yesterday it turned up. What a perfect week for me to find it... because this week is crunch time in the semester.

Hopefully I'll breeze through the week with lots of stretches, deep breaths, and OM's.

It's a great Monday already... have a great week!

this week's yoga practice

My yoga practice hasn't been what I wanted it to be this past week. Between working on my own papers, preparing for teaching a Master's level special education class, and grading students' work in said class, I have not made the commitment to practicing more yoga.

Why is it that it is during those times when I need yoga the most that I do it the least?

I have been attending a kick-butt vinyasa class on Monday nights, and practicing on my own the rest of the week. The problem is, my home practice becomes quite variable, depending on my time management (or lack thereof).

At the very least, just practicing a few sun salutations gets the blood flowing and the breath regulated...a few long, deep yin yoga stretches for the lower back and hips (great after sitting at the computer for hours on end)... and of course there's savasana, or corpse pose. If there's one thing I should commit to, it should be 5-10 minutes of full relaxation in savasana.

My father always used to take naps. Even before he retired and was working full time, he would carve out a half hour out of his work day to shut the door of his office, put on his eye cover, and take a nap. Then he would face the rest of the day, feeling refreshed and re-energized to get all the work done. Doesn't napping increase productivity?

I would say that savasana can increase productivity too. It's about taking a break to clear the mind and bring the body back into balance.

I've been trying to remind myself to get up every hour or so to do a few stretches -- to wring out my shoulders after being hunched as I type, to lengthen the spine and hamstrings in downward dog, to open up the lower back in a deep, relaxed forward bend.

But I have to admit that I sometimes neglect savasana. Whether it's the worry that I might fall asleep and end up dozing off for an hour, or the difficulty in giving myself permission to relax. Not a good thing.

Yoga teachers do say that savasana is one of the most difficult poses. It sounds ironic, because don't you just lay there, close your eyes, and breathe?

But in savasana, we try to be completely relaxed, yet conscious. In savasana, as in meditation, thoughts may come and go but the mind just observes without reacting or attaching. And that's the challenge that takes practice.

The mind is a challenge. It's in the mind where I hear all this self-talk: "oh, I have to do this... I have to remember that..." etc, etc.

I remind myself to focus on the breath, to bring me back to that place of stillness and clarity. That place where the breath is the only thing happening right now. It's not easy! It's not easy to let go of the inner scheduler, the inner taskmaster, and most of all, the inner critic.

I find that one way to replace that self-talk is to silently recite some words or mantras. Or even a simple phrase on which to focus the mind. Like "let go".

Inhale, "let."

Exhale, "go."

So I try to let go of worry. Let go of the negative self-talk. Even just for 10 minutes. And when I come out of savasana, I never regret it.

How do you practice savasana? I'd love to hear.

to be a child again...

Aahhh... yesterday (Sunday) was a beautiful winter-to-spring day in Northern Ohio. The temperature was in the high 30's in the morning (great considering what we've had the past few months), and the sun was shining. Sun-worshipper that I am, I was bordering on giddy to be outside.

We headed out to a park for a 5-mile walk.

 

Loved the big, open space.

Glad to see that the walking paths were cleared of snow very well.

Saw some interesting shadows...

 

It's always nice to see some green amidst all the snow.

After a good 45 minutes or so of power-walking, 

the inner child came out...

 

How often do we get to make snowballs as adults?

 

So there was some snowball-throwing...

 

 

...some cartwheeling...

...and some yoga.

 

"The Dancer"/Natarajasana: one of my favorite yoga poses.

"We must listen to the child that we once were, and who still lives within us. This child understands about magic instants. We can muffle his sobbing, but we can’t hush his voice.

If we aren’t reborn, if we don’t see life again with the innocence and enthusiasm of childhood, then there is no more sense to living.

Let’s allow the child within us to take the reins of our existence a little. This child says that one day is different from another."

- Paulo Coelho, The Magic Instant

Thank you, A., for the fun action shots, for the wonderful walk, and for the many perfect moments that have been and are yet to come.

the heart chakra

I've been reflecting on the heart chakra lately. I don't know if it's because Valentine's Day is coming up, as cliche as that sounds. I prefer to call it El Dia De Amor Y Amistad--the Day of Love and Friendship-- which is how February 14th is celebrated in other countries, as a good friend of mine told me (thanks, RZ).

Back to the heart chakra. This excerpt is from Yoga Journal:

"Through the heart chakra, we open to and connect with harmony and peace. The health of our heart center registers the quality and power of love in our life. In Sanskrit, the heart chakra is called Anahata, which means “unstruck” or “unhurt.” Its name implies that deep beneath our personal stories of brokenness and the pain in our heart, wholeness, boundless love, and a wellspring of compassion reside." - Barbara Kaplan Herring

I thought that was a beautiful definition.

It reminds me about what yoga really is - union. That yes, even with pain, sadness, and brokenness, we are all capable of offering love and compassion. And we are capable of receiving it too. It's all part of that oneness. We are also capable of being compassionate towards ourselves. Which I think is harder sometimes.

It makes me think about the thoughts, experiences, and memories that may keep me from being open in my heart's center. All these things that we hold on to, we feel in the tightness in certain areas of our body, when we contract and tighten to protect ourselves, or to keep from letting go of something that we need to let go of. Which is why backbending, a great heart chakra-opening pose, can be so challenging sometimes. I know it because my body doesn't lie. It's right there in my hip flexors. Ouch.

*Play background music here: "Fear... can stop your love and...love...can stop your fear..." (Morcheeba, Big Calm)*

I am reminded of how easy backbending is as a child. I remember doing it all the time as an 8-year-old, with hardly any discomfort. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that children are fully present. They let go. They may get into fights among themselves, and then not long after that they are fine. Well, life isn't that simple anymore. As adults, we tend to hold onto things longer.

 

(photo taken by Dad in New Hampshire, summer 2006)

 

I went to a challenging yoga class a few weeks ago. The instructor had us hold Warrior II (photo above) for what felt like a REALLY long time. Not only that, she had us go deeper, till your front thigh was parallel to the floor (still keeping knee above ankle). And this was after several sweaty sun salutations. And yes, we had to breathe deeply and fully (of course, right?!). Then she said, "Think about something that happened that is causing annoyance that you are holding on to. Sometimes it's something so petty, sometimes it's more serious. Visualize where your level of annoyance is. As you sink your hips lower into your Warrior, deepen your breath, and with every exhale, lower that level of annoyance. See the level go down with every exhale."

Whoa. Now that was intense.

But that's what the physical practice of yoga helps us with. It helps us recognize those areas in our life that we need to face and work through. Those things that cause us to tighten, contract, and close up. Those things that we need to let go of to move forward, so that we can be open, so that compassion can flow in and out of our hearts more easily. When we ease gently into a challenging asana and let go through the breath, or decide to let go of something that holds us down, we create space. We create space in our bodies, and we create space in our hearts and minds for more positivity to enter. That's what is so transformative about yoga.

A thought has been forming in my mind about a yoga practice of asanas for opening the heart chakra. More on that later...

is this heaven or what???

 

This local yoga studio is hosting a yoga + chocolate workshop this February, three weekends from now. The Saturday workshop is entitled "Yoga + Miracles: There's Nothing a Little Chocolate Can't Fix" and the Sunday workshop is "Chocolate-Covered Happiness". Two hours of vinyasa yoga for blissful stretching, followed by chocolate tasting. Sigh...

What could be better??

Find out more about the workshop here, and read more about the concept in this article here.

searching for yoga

I've slowly started to explore Northeast Ohio for where to take yoga classes, and I've happily found some places/teachers.

Upon recommendation by a peace activist with whom I studied yoga in Cincinnati, I attended a class with this teacher, in the Jivamukti style of yoga. She had such a wonderful way of infusing yoga philosophy into the class in a down-to-earth, accessible manner, while challenging the body with asanas. After class, I was stretched-out and blissed-out.

I also attended a vinyasa class in a heated room. I've always loved the rhythmic flow of a vinyasa class where the breath is linked with movement. The heat, coupled with the dynamic flowing sequences, and the DEEP, heat-producing breathing... I don't think I have ever sweat that much in a yoga class. After savasana, I was still sweaty, but joyful, calm, and at peace.

Then last week, our campus recreational center held a free demo week for the instructional classes, including yoga. The teacher was very informative about connecting the yoga movements to specific body organs and the resulting health benefits. Got some great tips too for movements that help coordinate the left and right sides of the brain - quite helpful for us in our student life.

I also attended another class held in the basement of a church building. Places like this evoke a "secret society" feel, but it was definitely no secret, because eventually the space got packed. People from all age groups and seemingly all walks of life came to attend. The instructor had a personal touch and obviously knew some of the students who seemed to be regulars. I like that. I like being able to connect with a group and to feel a sense of community - not like a rushed, lunch hour yoga class where people unroll their mats, practice yoga, roll up their mats again, and leave without so much as acknowledging the person on the next mat, even if the room is so packed that the next mat is less than an arm's distance away from you. Not that those classes are terrible - hardly so. I've been to some of those classes myself, and never felt like I shouldn't have come (when did I ever regret a yoga practice anyway?). I just like feeling at least somewhat connected. Not that we have to all be best friends and sing Kumbaya. That's a bit too close for comfort for me anyway. It's just nice to be in a place where you can see regulars, where you can feel that it's becoming your "third place". I think that because I am away from home and have recently moved, finding that "third place" becomes important.

Next... I'm off to find some yin yoga, to add a nice balance to all the "yang" styles of yoga I've been practicing.

Regardless of where you go, I think there is such a great benefit to experiencing a variety of classes and styles, and to learn from different teachers. There's a wealth of knowledge out there.

What styles do you like, and why?

yoga and writing workshop

For a few weeks now I had been looking for something to do to nurture my creativity, which has taken a backseat to work and academics for quite some time. I had been feeling quite disappointed in my dried-up creative juices. I needed something to take care of ME, but I didn't know what exactly. I knew I didn't have the time to commit to a weekend-long retreat or a vacation. I would just end up feeling guilty and stressing about all the other things I need to be doing, so I knew that wouldn't work. I wanted something that was short but sweet. Something that made me feel like I was going "away", but close enough that I didn't have to drive too far. I wanted an intimate setting with not a lot of people. So I knew what I DIDN'T want.

A couple of weeks ago, I picked up an issue of Natural Awakenings and found an article about an upcoming "Yoga and Writing Workshop". I was intrigued.

It sounded like just what I needed. Four hours long, less than a half hour drive away. Something that integrated body, mind, and spirit. A little yoga, a little meditation and reflection, and writing! I signed up that very same day. It's amazing how God/Spirit/the universe provides.

I was so glad I went! It was a beautiful fall day. The workshop was held in a quiet old building surrounded by trees. I intentionally got there early to take a walk on the grounds. Came across a weathered, wooden bench....pink wildflowers growing amidst a sea of fallen leaves... My feet sinking into the soft earth.

I stretched, breathed, wrote, and listened. I listened to my body, my breath, my thoughts. And I listened to others. We listened to each other. Fifteen strangers in a room, being present in our bodies and minds, writing, and sharing little pieces of ourselves through the written word. We all wrote, wrote, and wrote some more, in a safe space.

I realize how much writing and art enrich my life. I always wish I could do it more. I know I have realigned my priorities for the next few years until I have the letters "Ph.D." after my name. But I have to find ways to receive and take part in small doses of art every now and then. I feel much more balanced because of it.

Here is one of the poems we reflected/meditated on:

The Healing Time

Finally on my way to yes
I bump into
all the places
where I said no
to my life
all the untended wounds
the red and purple scars
those hieroglyphs of pain
carved into my skin, my bones,
those coded messages
that sent me down
the wrong street
again and again
where I find them
the old wounds
the old misdirections
and I lift them
one by one
close to my heart
and I say holy holy

- Pesha Gertler

For more information about writing workshops, click here.

grounding

As I've written in my earlier post, after days of being here, there, and everywhere, some grounding is in order. My mind and body look for it. This morning, my grounding "ritual" consisted of cleaning my apartment and doing those weekend things that remind me of being home. Going to my favorite bread shop, then brunch across the street at this place. Taking a walk. Then, there's yoga. Yoga outside is even better - how can one not feel grounded in nature? So, here are some grounding poses:

Mountain pose


It may seem like you're not doing anything, but as you stand tall, every muscle is engaged. This pose is actually a lot of work! But it's all worth it. You'll feel centered, strong, focused.

Stand tall, either with feet together or slightly apart, with feet parallel. Bring your awareness first to your breath and observe how you are breathing right now. Are you breathing through the upper part of your chest? If so, breathe all the way into your belly, and exhale fully. Your belly and chest will naturally expand as you inhale, and relax as you exhale. Do this a few times until you can find a comfortable pace. You can begin to lengthen your breath; you can silently count to 4 (or to whatever feels good to you) for each inhale and exhale. Continue breathing with this kind of awareness until you feel relaxed and centered.

Then, feel your feet rooted to the ground. Distribute your weight evenly between both feet, keeping you balanced. Engage your stomach muscles, pulling your navel area up and into your spine. Open your chest, but relax your shoulders. Your arms can be resting on either side of the body, or you can place your hands in prayer position. Remember to relax your facial muscles. Breathe...

Warrior II


Take a big step back with your left foot. Your feet will be about one-leg distance apart. Your right foot will be pointing forward, your left foot will be slightly pigeon-toed. Turn your torso to the left. Bend the right leg so that your right knee is directly above the ankle. Engage the thighs, and again feel your feet rooting to the ground. Lift the arms into a T position, and gaze over your right fingertips. Relax the shoulders. As always, breathe... and enjoy the feeling of strength, balance, and grounding. After a few deep breaths, step your left foot forward and come back to Mountain pose for a few breaths, then repeat Warrior II on the other side.

Tree pose


Find your balance in Mountain pose. Then, shift your weight into the left foot. Feel the strength in your left leg. Then, slowly lift the right foot off the ground. Your right foot can just rest by the left ankle, or you can walk the right foot up the left leg until you find a comfortable position; your right foot can be resting on the left calf, on the side of the left knee, or on the left inner thigh. You can also use a wall for balance. When you're ready, you can place your hands in prayer position in front of the chest, or you can lift your arms overhead with palms together.

Be patient with yourself; if you lose your balance, just come back to Mountain pose and try again. In balancing poses, sometimes I find that if I focus more on my center, it draws the attention away from my extremities, and I am more able to find stillness. After a few deep breaths (or, as many as you like!), come back to Mountain pose, then repeat on the other side.

Also, it's not uncommon to feel more balanced on one side than the other. Our bodies are more asymmetrical then symmetrical; personally, my balance is more challenged on the left side as my left leg is weaker than my right. Just accept where you are now, and let go of expectation.

The Dancer

This is one of my favorite balancing poses! For one, I love the name... and two, I love the stretch I feel while I'm in it (you'll feel it in the front of your thigh and hip flexors). It's also a slight back bend when you arch your back as you lift your leg behind you.

Start in Mountain pose. Find your balance first on both feet, then shift your weight onto your left leg. Lift the right foot off the floor, bending the knee so that your foot comes up behind you and you can grab the top of your foot with your hand. You can stay here for a few breaths to feel a nice stretch on your thigh.

(Note: if you feel pain/stress in your knee joint, I would suggest not doing this pose. When my knee hurts, I skip it and do other balancing poses.)

When you're ready you can start to lift the leg higher behind you; you'll feel a slight back bend here. You can lift your left arm up overhead. Stay for a few deep breaths. Slowly lower the leg, then repeat on the other side.

Come back to Mountain pose, and feel grounded.


photo credits: mountain pose and warrior pose taken by Dad (New Hampshire), tree pose photo taken by Minnie (Maryland), dancer photo by Jen (Eden Park, Cincinnati)

PS: Today is my dad's birthday! Happy birthday, Dad!!! Much love. Here's to more yoga and meditation!

evolving

I started this blog a couple of years ago with the intention of being more yoga-focused. I had initially visualized it to have posts on yoga asanas and sequences and such. Over time, it has become more like a journal of sorts, about many other facets of life - random thoughts on wellness (or should I say attempts towards wellness), art, photography, family, spirituality, work... and so forth.

I think yoga tends to bleed into all these other facets, whether or not it is a conscious act. To me, yoga is not simply about meeting a certain quota of doing 10 sun salutations a day or this many repetitions of this pose or that pose. That's great too, but in reality my thoughts on yoga spill over and move beyond the mat, blurring the boundaries between the so-called "categories" in life. Because what good is yoga if it doesn't inspire me or influence me to be mindful of the choices I make every day?

So, if you've stumbled upon this blog expecting to find more yoga, in the form of the physical practice (which is only 1/8 of yoga philosophy), I have to say that you probably won't find a whole lot of that here. But I invite you to read on, perhaps just a few entries. You might find something you were not expecting, but it could be something you didn't know you were looking for.