favorites from Phipps Conservatory

This weekend I made a quick day trip to Pittsburgh to see a couple of friends from college who were here for a business trip.

We went to the Phipps Conservatory, which is a shutterbug's paradise. Here are a few of my favorites:

revisiting stress management

We're nearing the end of October... which means pretty fall foliage, but it also means mid-semester work, grading, planning, writing, etc etc etc....

So... I'm trying to be proactive and help myself.

Stress management #1:

Legs-up-the-wall pose. There's just nothing like it. I don't think I need to say more...

Reclining bound angle pose, or Supta Baddha Konasana. With lots of supportive props, as pictured here.

Stress management #2:

Read one of my favorite bedside books. This author just has an uncanny way of somehow "speaking" to me, giving me just what I need at any given time.

Stress management #3:

I've been so drawn towards bread baking lately.

There's something about the mixing and kneading and punching and rolling that provides much comfort in a time of stress.... then, after the therapeutic "kitchen bodywork" is done, what happens next is an exercise in patience, waiting for the dough to rise and take its time to develop gluten and all that great stuff that makes for wonderfully crusty, yet light and airy artisan-style bread. Then the act of popping the dough into the oven and waiting for it to continue its transformation, as the scents fill my (small) apartment... then finally, taking it out of the oven, waiting enough time for it to cool -- just enough for me not to burn my fingers...(it's hard to resist the idea of warm, fresh-from-the-oven bread!) then tearing off a piece to dip in some good quality, unfiltered extra virgin olive oil or some homemade herb butter. I can't think of anything better.

So in the last week or so, I've made:
- Indian roti (no-yeast flatbread)
- regular crusty artisan bread
- pizza dough
- garlic and herb foccacia

I'm still thinking of my next bread adventure. I'm under stress again this week anyway, so might as well bake something.

And by the way, most of my baking equipment is still in storage, so I don't have my rolling pin for making pizza dough and roti. So guess what I used in its place: a wine bottle! It worked out fine.

Stress management #4:

Aromatherapy!

I have a small collection of essential oils which I use for a variety of purposes. Tea tree oil and peppermint (mixed with water and regular white vinegar) for general household cleaning, eucalyptus in my vaporizer for congestion, lavender and bergamot mixed with jojoba oil or sweet almond oil for calming, after-bath body oils. Tea tree and lavender for yoga mat spray.

I love this stuff.

It's amazing what essential oils can do - from personal care to household cleaning to insect control. Of course,  I do not use it undiluted, and, if intended for the skin, I always use a carrier oil (a neutral nut or seed oil) as instructed by many books/websites on essential oils. I'm also trying to eliminate as many chemicals as I can, just through small steps. I understand that's not always possible, and if I even try to make it possible, I'll probably drive myself insane. Toxins are everywhere - from commercial personal care to BPA plastics to upholstery etc etc etc... it really CAN drive anyone insane to think about all this. But, if there are things that are within my control, then I'll do something about that.

But most of all, I really just like making things. And keeping my hands busy. It's stress relieving.

So I bought a new batch of sweet almond oil (as a carrier oil) after I recently ran out of my stash... and made pretty little bottles of body oil. Here's what I ended up with:

For a calming lavender mix:
120 ml sweet almond oil with 10 drops lavender essential oil

For a mild, citrusy, fresh-smelling mix:
50 ml sweet almond oil with 5 drops of bergamot essential oil

I think I might make a lavender-vanilla combination next. Mmmm.

What do you do for stress management? Do share --  I can only make so many breads and so many bottles of body oil at a time.

Happy Fall

reflections from the mat

It's been a rough 2 weeks, hence my cyber-absence from the blog. I've been dealing with a lot of uncertainty, and I am completely aware of the fact that I. DO. NOT. deal with uncertainty very well. I completely admit to my control freak self - though I *think* I've gotten better at it, sometimes she still comes back full force. Hence the anxiety. And the emotional rollercoaster.

It's interesting how it's during those times when we need self-care the most when we neglect it the most. I had not been walking as often, had not been practicing yoga as often. Sleeping poorly. I know in my rational mind, that despite my 4 deadlines this week, I need to make time for self-care. Somehow it seems to just slip away all to easily, until finally... the crash. Does this happen to you?

So this morning, I decided to say hello to my yoga mat again. I swept the floors -- to clear the space in a physical sense -- but also symbolically, I think. Clearing the negative energy as best I could.

I practiced a vinyasa flow sequence, which I love. And to my surprise, in this time of weakness, it seemed that I was regaining the strength in my arms and shoulders with every chaturanga. It was a source of strength I had forgotten. I also recognized the feeling of uncertainty in my left leg while doing a warrior and balancing sequence on the left side -- knowing that my left leg is significantly weaker than the right. And I taught myself to be ok with it, to breathe through it, and find strength in the breath. To be ok with weakness, to be ok with uncertainty. To be ok with the fact that there are always two sides to a story. Strength and weakness.

And in my ending meditation, I felt a gentle breeze coming in through the window. As I felt it touch my arms and face, it was the most comforting sensation I have felt in the past few weeks. Because it made me realize that the world doesn't always give us gale winds, it give us gentle breezes too. Two sides to a story. Gale winds and gentle breezes. Force and gentleness. It's true in life. But I realize, that when the strong winds come, that my strength is somewhere inside of me -- it just gets buried sometimes underneath the layers and layers of worry. I just have to breathe through it. And I know that the storms will eventually slow down, and will be followed by the comfort of a gentle breeze.

I gazed at the beautiful blue sky out the window, seeing the leaves starting to turn. The thought that came to mind is "transitions." I silently said a mantra:

I let go of worry.
I let go of control.
I let go of my burdens.


I open my heart to uncertainty.
I open my heart to transitions.
I open my heart to grace and the greater good that is in store for me.

And so I felt peace. Even for just this morning. Yes, the uncertainty is there. But I am teaching and re-teaching myself to accept it. It's a lot of work. But just as I accept my feelings of uncertainty and weakness in my physical yoga practice, I am beginning to accept uncertainty with the knowledge that there is a source of strength inside me. With the knowledge that the storms come and go, but there's always a place of calm after the storm. It's grace at work. And for that, I am grateful.

a gentle reminder: slow down

I was in our university library this morning, and the elevators there are notoriously S-L-O-W. I had to push the "door close" button three times, and it had a response time of 7.4 seconds to finally close (ok, ok... I didn't really count). The other student next to me chuckled. I said, "these elevators are SO SLOW!"

Then she said, "Well, it's a good time to think during a busy day."

Wow. Now that was pretty yogic.

You never know where you might find wisdom. Elevators included.

Happy Friday!

Inspirational Wild Woman poster

Because everyone deserves some affirmation....

Thanks to artist Heidi Richardson Evans of daisybones and to blisschick.net for sharing... and for letting us distribute or post online for free! Enjoy and pass it on! (Click on the photo for a larger version)

CAN and WILL

"That we can is probably our most fundamental, most important, and most enduring dimension; that we will is simply logical." 
- Donald Baer, Montrose Wolf, and Todd Risley (1987), behavior research scientists

As you may have noticed, I love quoting others' words of wisdom and inspiration. This was the final statement in a recent behavior research article that I read for one of my classes. How interesting to find such views about life in my academic reading. CAN and WILL. I like that.

Last week I was working on a project that sent my anxiety and frustrations through the roof. Things were just not working too well for me and I was up against a deadline. I was so frustrated that I felt like breaking dishes. Yes, you read that right... how un-yogic, isn't it?

(But I do love my small collection of dishes, so no, I didn't break any. And I promise that I am not a violent person. Ok, maybe a little... specifically when some great dessert is involved. Especially when it's dessert at this place.)

Interestingly I heard this story about a professor that has a collection of cheap/old dishes for the purpose of breaking them to release frustration. This professor supposedly even has a place in the yard with a concrete slab against which to break dishes. As the story goes, the professor invites people (i.e., doctoral students?) over to break dishes and relieve stress. Urban legend? Who knows.

I'm not a person that gets angry easily. There are things that are small enough that I "don't sweat it." But there are times when the stakes are high, and that notion of doing all you can and then letting go of perfection doesn't quite cut it. Especially when the expectation is quality, accuracy, and excellence. The expectation is to keep pushing and pushing yourself. Just when you think you've reached the boundaries of your thought process, you are pushed so that you keep expanding it. Which I understand (I think)... we are pushed to great challenges and then to overcome them, and as a result we gain some insight and a new nugget of wisdom.

So something happened last week, and it was like the straw that broke the camel's back. What made me even more anxious, was that I know very well that this is NOT the hardest thing I will ever have to do in my academic life. Far from it.

But I had gotten so worked up by that project, that last weekend, I couldn't even sleep... even after my project was done. I tossed and turned until maybe 2 in the morning. So I practiced some restorative yoga poses, including a gentle inversion (legs up against a wall), did some deep breathing... and finally, what got me to settle down and go to sleep was to silently recite a "mantra" -- I am enough.

I am stumped by a question... how to reconcile the high expectations of academia and the need to be kind and forgiving towards myself? In academia, it's almost never enough. It's only enough when you get those 3 letters behind your name and the three stripes on your graduation gown. But in my inner life, there is a sense that yes, I am enough. Not am I good enough or loving enough or smart enough... just... enough, because I am who I am. You are enough because you are who you are, and there is no one else like you.

Interestingly, last weekend someone called me to apologize about something, and I let it slide SO easily.... and I realized that I'm much more forgiving of other people's "mistakes", but I am so harsh on myself when it has to do with my work and my performance.

So this week I am taking steps to help myself. For now, these are the things I CAN and WILL do to help me find some balance. In my academic world I started organizing my life, and my time, even more (or maybe I had not done that well enough to begin with). I am trying out a new yoga class/studio this weekend which I hope aligns more with my sense of spirituality, so that hopefully I can take more lessons for me to use off the mat. With the hopes that lessons from both worlds -- the world of academia and my "inner life" -- collide, and that these lessons somehow reconcile and play well in the sandbox.

Speaking of sandboxes...

 (My nephew* at the Children's Museum, Cincinnati, Ohio)

* I love watching kids play and explore. I took my nephews to a museum once and they saw this HUGE indoor sandbox and their eyes probably got as big as saucers as they ran to the play area. You feel the great sense of optimism, possibility, and discovery. Lessons to learn....

Do you experience any feelings of a "tug-of-war" between the expectations of your work life and those of your inner life? How do you reconcile both?