simple rules

"Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours."
- Swedish Proverb


P.S. Those of you who know me well can attest to the fact that the "eat less" part will be hard for me. ;-)
Maybe they aren't so simple after all...

letting go of negative energy

"Don't compare your insides to somebody else's outsides."

This must be one of the best pieces of advice I've received... thanks to this dear friend.

I remember how I felt in my first few yoga classes, when I was in my early 20's...I remember being more critical, more judgmental of myself. (Oh my goodness. I'm realizing this a bit late, but saying "20's" now means saying it in past tense.)

"Why is my forward bend not as good as hers? Why can't I balance as well as she does? Why does her [insert yoga pose here] look so effortless?" And so on.

I think I've become less and less critical of myself over time. I've come to just enjoy how I feel in a particular yoga pose. I savor those moments of being sensitive and perceptive to how I'm feeling, physically and mentally, during a yoga practice. My forward bend may not look like the next person's, but perhaps I'm feeling a better stretch today than yesterday. And if I don't feel great in the stretch today, then I just gently ease into it, and stop when I have to, when I find that "edge." Through the past several years, I've slowly learned to stop focusing on what other people can do and how they look like in a pose. What a great relief it is to feel this way!

But I also remember being critical of myself in other ways, and comparing myself to other people. Why is it that when we're in a really dark place, we hear about someone who just seems to have the best luck in the world? Why does this person have this fantastic life in which nothing seems to go wrong? And then the "I'm-not-good-enough" self-talk sets in. Worse, the jealousy sets in. Ugh. Negative energy. Very toxic.

I now realize that as "perfect" as someone else's life may seem, it's not fair or healthy to compare myself to that image of perfection. Because I only see that person's outsides. And we all want to project our "outsides" as wonderful and great. Even if we sometimes don't feel that way inside. It's like having our photograph taken - we always want to project our best smile to others; we don't have our photo taken while we are sad or angry, do we? So that person, who seems, on the outside, to have such a perfect, amazing, happy life, may very well have some pain on the inside.

It's not that I'm celebrating the fact that the other person may be hurting and that makes me feel better. It's just a relief to let go of that unrealistic perception, that external image of someone else's perfection. It's a relief to realize that there's just no basis for comparison. The only thing we have in common is that we are each going through our own lives the best way we can.

What a relief to let go of all that negative energy that weighs us down.

So I've learned to stop comparing my insides to someone else's outsides. Because we all carve our own path, and each path is unique and special. Because my life, and your life--for all its joy and pain--is no less amazing.

go big or go home

 Photo: My first skydive, taken by Start Skydiving

"Go big or go home."

I've been attending an intermediate flow yoga for the past few weeks, and this seems to be the instructor's favorite motto.

I love it though. It's all about giving your all. It's about passion.

She leads us through a challenging sequence of standing poses, and we hold warrior pose on one side throughout several variations, with 3-5 breaths per pose. Warrior I, hold. Warrior I with arms behind, hands clasped and fingers interlaced, expand chest. Bow forward into Devotional Warrior. Back to Warrior I. Warrior I to Warrior II. Warrior II to Reverse Warrior. Reverse Warrior to Extended Side Angle. Extended Side Angle with a half bind or full bind. Oh, and she might throw in Half Moon too. And yes, about 3-5 LONG breaths for each pose. Without switching sides or to the other leg in between any of those lunge poses. At one point the instructor even sat on one yogini's thigh while she was in warrior. (Thank goodness it wasn't me.)

Towards the end of this sequence, my right thigh is shaking, and finally I feel like giving up. I let out a loud "WHEW!" And she says, "Go big or go home!"

And sometimes that's all it takes - a little encouragement, a friendly push to find your edge.... then finally, we go through a vinyasa to rest in Downward Dog for about 5 breaths. I tell you, after that sequence, that Down Dog is the best Down Dog ever.

Then we switch to Warrior on the left and do the same sequence all over again.

"Go big or go home."

At the end, it feels great though. To know that I've given my all. Pushed myself to find my edge... not to be competitive with others or with myself (ok, maybe a just a little competitive with myself...), but to reach that point of a little discomfort in order to grow stronger...while recognizing that it's ok to lose my balance from my Half Moon pose. I don't have to judge myself when I fall; I just accept it. I can get back up and try again. Recognizing that someone is there to help you stretch just a little bit further - not too much, but just enough. Just enough for the challenge to be right for you at that moment. 

And isn't that what we do in life, anyway? We dream, and we dream big. We push ourselves beyond our comfort zones, to know what we're capable of. But we also forgive ourselves when we fall and make mistakes. We can accept help and support. We also accept periods of rest, and when we do, the rest is so deliciously blissful... much like the Downward Dogs after the challenging standing sequence. And in this state, we know that we are stronger for it, and that we made every moment count.

Go big or go home!



* The Yoga Journal website is a great resource for photos of yoga poses. Click here.

words to live by

Some random snapshots of store signs and other everyday things...

 

 Life is good,

when you...

  

But life is...

 

...when you...

"roam the earth. eat chocolate."

Tagline of Salazon Chocolate Co., maker of my new favorite:

Organic Dark Chocolate with Sea Salt and Turbinado Sugar

I thought that after two serious, fairly heavy blog entries, a little lightness is in order. Just thought I'd have a little fun on this snowy day... :)

perfection

 

25 degrees Fahrenheit today, light snow, with wind from the North at 1 mph, according to weather.com.

I've been watching the snow from my window tonight, feeling blissful after a kick-butt, feel-the-burn yoga class and a delicious savasana. The snow is different tonight. It's not the relentless kind that guarantees a half hour of digging out your car the next morning, the way we've had it the past few weeks. Tonight it's falling slowly, gracefully. Without any urgency, any rush.... much like how I feel after this yoga class. The snowflakes are larger than usual, almost like little white feathers. I've only experienced snow for the last six years, and until now I can't get over how beautiful and perfect snowflakes are. Especially the kind we have right now. 

As a child growing up in a tropical country, I've always wondered why snowflake designs or snowflake cutouts (you know, the kind they use to decorate storefronts) look the way they are - rays radiating from a center with intricate lines and details. I just dismissed it, thinking someone just thought to draw them that way. 

Then in 2003, during my first winter, I finally understood. During the first snowfall of the season, I bundled up and went outside. Snowflakes landed on my black coat, and I realized that when you look really closely, that's how they look - rays radiating from a center in perfect symmetry. Well, perfect to my naked eye, at least. But I trust in nature, as nature is the perfect design. When I finally saw a real snowflake for what it was, I was brought to tears. It was a profound experience. I suddenly remembered learning about fractals in school - the idea of a complex structure of self-similar patterns. Yes, I know that there is a mathematical something or other that explains it, which I do not have the ability to explain myself. But looking at this perfection... this is not the work of human hands.

It also brings me to think about the fact that there is perfection in all of us. And it's not perfection in an "egotistical" sense. It's not vanity. It's more like being at peace with the self. When we release judgment, we see our goodness and inner light.

That's another thing that I realize through yoga... as I settle into my space, I settle into being. I meet myself where I am, in perfect acceptance. Without needing to be something other than who I am. Without judgment. Towards myself, or others. Realizing that I am right where I need to be. And there's the perfection of that moment. 

Here's a mantra for a heart chakra meditation: "I am safe. I am whole. I am loved." 

Enjoy the sweetness of perfection.

 

Snowflake image courtesy of Free ClipArt at cksinfo.com.

more thoughts on passion

I am reminded yet again, of how the lines between the so-called "categories" of life become blurry. In an earlier post I wrote about seeking passion - in yoga and in other areas of life.

Work is definitely one area in which there must be passion. Sure, there will always be moments of frustration, or moments of doubt, when the challenges are great. But at the end of the day, there must be passion. This is what gets us up in the morning.

I am fortunate that I have found something to be passionate about early on, and have since worked in the field of early childhood intervention. Years ago, in my first year of teaching, I learned a very valuable lesson from a child and family I worked with, about the inclusion of a child with a disability. That child, that family, and that particular experience was my first teacher. I am humbled to this day, and I owe them much gratitude for teaching me an important life lesson and inspiring me to become a better teacher... and more importantly, to teach with compassion and passion.

I recently had an opportunity to listen to Ann Turnbull, a well-respected professor, researcher, and national expert in the field of special education, through a "webinar" for educators and families. She herself is a parent of an individual with a disability, and she spoke about her son, who passed away last year at the age of 40. He developed a passion for music in early childhood, and this passion for music continued on throughout his adult years. This was her message to the audience of educators and families:

"What passions are you facilitating in the children that you teach, so that they can use this passion as a way to connect with others, to feel self-esteem... as a way to contribute, as a way to truly have a quality of life?" 

Wow. That is a great challenge. It is a challenge that inspires: how do we take action from here?

She went on to say:

"Make room for genuine relationships."

And the most important lesson: "We are not just in the education business, or the rehabilitation business. We are in the dignity business."

These are important lessons, not just for the work we do to practice inclusion in classrooms, but beyond that. In yoga, we talk about yoga "off the mat" - we talk about how we "live" our yoga. Along the same lines, how do we "live" inclusion beyond the classroom? How do we truly include people of varying abilities in our lives, in our communities, so that they have dignity and quality of life?

So why am I writing about this?

Because I think that yoga - which by definition, is union - is also about inclusion. I am not separate from you, or you, or you. Which is why, at the end of a yoga practice, an instructor typically says, "Namaste." The word is derived from the Sanskrit namas, which means "I bow," and te, which means "to you," - "I bow to you." An extended translation is "The light in me honors the light in you" or "The divine in me honors the divine in you." Such beautiful, profound words - but made even more beautiful when it carries over to other parts of our lives: to our relationships, to our work, and everything else. Because what good is my spiritual practice, if it is not truly practiced?

So I am prompted, especially, to think about how I should try to live by these words in my work: to always remember that people are differently-abled, not disabled. To keep in mind that we are not separate, and that by disregarding your dignity I also disregard mine. To never forget to hope... and to be a source of hope. To not just teach with passion, but to elicit and foster passion in others, so that they can live out their passions. Because the purpose of education goes beyond the 4 walls of a classroom.

Because we should all be in the "dignity business."

And so I say to all those children and families who have taught me the most important life lessons, and reminded me everyday about dignity: Namaste. I bow to you. The light in me honors the light in you.

To Gabe and his mother, Mrs. K: Thank you for what you've taught me through your compassion and gentleness.

aaahhh.... love

 

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, 

let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook 

that sings its melody to the night. 

To know the pain of too much tenderness. 

To be wounded by your own understanding of love...

To wake at dawn with a winged heart

and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart

and a song of praise upon your lips.

- Kahlil Gibran