striving for balance

Whew. As you can tell from my blogging disappearance, the last month and a half has been a whirlwind.

Packing.
Moving.
Starting school... again.
Enough said.

I've come to realize that for the past couple of months, my schedule has been so packed. The summer just passed me by, and all of a sudden I noticed that the days are already getting shorter and it's officially fall. I hardly swam or hiked or walked as much the way I used to in previous summers. Those things that give me balance have been missing.

Long walks.
Journaling.
Reading for pleasure.
Being in nature.
More yoga.
More movement.
More art.

No wonder I have not been in balance lately. I've been leading quite an unhealthy lifestyle... sitting at a computer for hours on end, sleeping at 2 in the morning.

I know that this is the life I chose for myself for the next few years. This is what it is. Get ready.

Don't get me wrong. Overall, I'm in a great place in my life. I thought I was doing well where I was, but I always new that I wanted more. And I don't mean that in a material sense. I mean "more" in terms of the stuff of dreams. Being in a state of restlessness because of the need to do, and be, "more".

And now it is here. I'm in a place of new growth. New opportunity. New challenges. It's actually exciting, to be learning so much, and growing. Such a great privilege, really. And when I really think about it, I am thankful to be in this place. My friend wrote about the good things in life vs the great things in life -- and letting go of the good things so that great things can happen. Maybe this is what is taking place in my life right now.

But it comes with a price.

Sometimes I wonder, should I be this tired? I'm only 30! I should be able to keep up with everything.... right? Or am I legitimately, justifiably tired?

I have to admit, I've always been busy. I like being busy. I've always packed my life with lots of things. Even during my down-time, I find myself making random projects like... making homemade hand cream. Or getting into these crazy cooking sprees, making insane amounts of food. But even as I fill my life with all these things, I get into a state of balance. They fulfill my need to be creative. To escape from the cerebral to the tactile and kinesthetic. To keep my hands busy so I can somehow unwind and clear my head. To be in that meditative zone.

How can I bring balance back into my life, when it feels like every waking minute is accounted for? Here I am, spending a few minutes on blogging and already I'm starting to feel like I should be doing something "more important".

Ok, that's enough of being Debbie Downer for right now. Meanwhile, I'll have to end here so I can wrap up for the night... and, if I'm lucky, maybe I'll go to sleep before 2 in the morning.

Take a deep breath. Tomorrow is another day.