Whew. As you can tell from my blogging disappearance, the last month and a half has been a whirlwind.
Starting school... again.
I've come to realize that for the past couple of months, my schedule has been so packed. The summer just passed me by, and all of a sudden I noticed that the days are already getting shorter and it's officially fall. I hardly swam or hiked or walked as much the way I used to in previous summers. Those things that give me balance have been missing.
Reading for pleasure.
Being in nature.
No wonder I have not been in balance lately. I've been leading quite an unhealthy lifestyle... sitting at a computer for hours on end, sleeping at 2 in the morning.
I know that this is the life I chose for myself for the next few years. This is what it is. Get ready.
Don't get me wrong. Overall, I'm in a great place in my life. I thought I was doing well where I was, but I always new that I wanted more. And I don't mean that in a material sense. I mean "more" in terms of the stuff of dreams. Being in a state of restlessness because of the need to do, and be, "more".
And now it is here. I'm in a place of new growth. New opportunity. New challenges. It's actually exciting, to be learning so much, and growing. Such a great privilege, really. And when I really think about it, I am thankful to be in this place. My friend wrote about the good things in life vs the great things in life -- and letting go of the good things so that great things can happen. Maybe this is what is taking place in my life right now.
But it comes with a price.
Sometimes I wonder, should I be this tired? I'm only 30! I should be able to keep up with everything.... right? Or am I legitimately, justifiably tired?
I have to admit, I've always been busy. I like being busy. I've always packed my life with lots of things. Even during my down-time, I find myself making random projects like... making homemade hand cream. Or getting into these crazy cooking sprees, making insane amounts of food. But even as I fill my life with all these things, I get into a state of balance. They fulfill my need to be creative. To escape from the cerebral to the tactile and kinesthetic. To keep my hands busy so I can somehow unwind and clear my head. To be in that meditative zone.
How can I bring balance back into my life, when it feels like every waking minute is accounted for? Here I am, spending a few minutes on blogging and already I'm starting to feel like I should be doing something "more important".
Ok, that's enough of being Debbie Downer for right now. Meanwhile, I'll have to end here so I can wrap up for the night... and, if I'm lucky, maybe I'll go to sleep before 2 in the morning.
Take a deep breath. Tomorrow is another day.