help is on the way...

... if we know when to ask.

I'm afraid to write about this topic here on the blog, but I have some thoughts swirling around in my head.

Last night, help came in the form of melatonin. I know... I try not to just pop pills left and right, in favor of more "natural" solutions. But after many days of restless nights and interrupted sleep, my body just really, desperately needed a good night's rest.

Especially after traveling... my trip to California was absolutely wonderful but as always, I experienced my "pre-travel anxiety", in which I go over my mental lists and notes in my head about what I have to do, things I shouldn't forget, etc, etc.... and as a result I toss and turn for hours. And this is after even making physical lists with a paper and pencil. I'm not quite sure why I experience this. I've been traveling since I was little, and I think I should be used to it... but no. The night before I flew out, I tried every trick I had: breathing exercises, mantra meditation, a few down dogs and child's poses, legs up the wall... but I could not, for the life of me, quiet my mind. It may have to do with the fact that this trip wasn't exclusively a "for-pleasure" trip, but it was for a conference presentation with a little pleasure and fun squeezed in. So I had a lot to think about - to remember this and that and the other thing regarding my conference presentation. Anyway, the night before I flew out, I ended up getting only ONE HOUR of sleep. And I had to wake up at 5 am for a 7:30 am flight.

So after I got back, I decided to take 500 mcg of melatonin. And it was the best sleep I've had in A REALLY LONG TIME.

So am I going to take this every night now? I don't think so. But I realize that it's there, when I need just a little extra help. And that is ok.

Does this make me less of a yogi? Do practitioners of yoga always need to have it all together? Inner peace, inner strength, inner ____ ? 100% unshakeable calm, 24/7/365?

I think not. I find strength in knowing that I can accept help. Whether it's in the form of prayer, intentions, mantras, meditation, asanas, stress-cooking, or a conversation with a friend. Or a pill, for that matter. Because the truth is, at that moment in time, taking it helped me so that I had enough quality rest to fulfill my obligations, my purpose, at least a portion of my life's work the next day.

And that's a good thing.



*This is not, by any means, medical advice of any sort.*