when was the last time you did something for the first time?

I used to be into New Year's resolutions and word-for-the-year reflections and such. It didn't quite happen this time when we transitioned from 2013 to 2014, for various reasons I need not delve into. But, I find that it's also perfectly fine to spend the first month really reflecting, rather than going all gung-ho on the first of the year and then losing steam by the end of January (guilty). I realize that it's important to consider schedule changes, work changes, and other expectations and make sure goals are challenging yet realistic.

Sometimes I have this silly feeling that if I put my goals out there, I set myself up for these expectations - almost with an anticipation of, "but what if I don't achieve it?" And yet, when I look back... the goals I wrote down somewhere (whether on a post-it note, a notebook, or here on the blog) and to which I set my intentions tend to be ones that I have met. Perhaps not all of them, but at least the ones that mattered and made sense at the time.

Image from here

I saw this question above - "when was the last time you did something for the first time?" on a travel brochure, and it made me stop in my tracks. I love thinking of this as a guiding question. Perhaps not just at the start of the new year, but really, throughout the year. To keep myself open to experience, challenged, motivated, and dare I say, youthful?

So, here goes.

1. Finish my dissertation this summer. Ok, so this one may not sound particularly exciting, but still - I MUST/NEED/WANT TO finish this baby this year. I've come this far. As they say - the PhD is not just/always about how smart you are. It's about persistence. Now that I feel "piled higher and deeper", I realize there is nothing further from the truth. I'm following my professor's advice: "Treat your dissertation like it's your job."

2. Take the Krav Maga Level 1 test. I've never actually said this one "out loud". When I first started taking Krav Maga, I hadn't really given much thought into going up the levels. I've never really been competitive (not that KM is competitive), and tests just...intimidate me (flashback to memories of taking a college math exam, college chemistry, the GRE, and breaking into a cold sweat.). But I heard that cliched little voice, barely a whisper, say, "what if?" And then, "why not?"

I do feel a bit behind, because I was told that on average people can take the Level 1 test after 4-6 months of training consistently and regularly. Regularity has been a barrier for me because this school is about a 40-minute drive (on a good day) for me, so I'm not always able to go on weeknights. I make up for it by getting into weekend-warrior mode and taking classes back-to-back on Sundays. But at the same time, I cut myself some slack - I'm doing the best I can under the circumstances, and I'm going at a pace I feel comfortable with. Of course, we are not forced to take the test - some people may decide to just stay at Level 1. It's all optional.

Here's a picture of the training center. I took this picture around Halloween last year. Note the sign above: "Torture Chamber" ;-)

The Level 1 test requires that you demonstrate 30-something skills and from what I've heard, it's a pretty grueling 4-hour experience. Well, to be accurate, the first 2 hours is a workshop to review, practice, and ask questions, and then the next half is the actual test. So, the last time I trained, I picked up the sheet that had the Level 1 curriculum which listed the skills that will be covered during the test. I checked every skill that I knew, and realized... I'm doing pretty ok. There are definitely skills I still need to learn and master, and I still need to practice the basic skills more, of course - confidence has always been my issue. But my instructor said that I'm getting the technique, I just need to be more aggressive. Followed up with, "you don't have to be so proper!" Ha! Thanks to my mom's manners and etiquette training :) And my thought is - "Me??? Aggressive??" But just to put this out there - their take on being aggressive has to do more with getting your energy out, not being unsafe or being violent. They're always big on safety, which is why I feel comfortable training in this school. Towards the end of one class my instructor gave me a headlock and I thought I defended myself pretty well. :)

I'm not going to lie - this experience has not been easy. It has taken me out of my comfort zone more than anything else has (including skydiving). For starters, you get into really close contact with another person and in uncomfortable positions (like mounting for a ground fighting drill) - which is a challenge for someone like me who values personal space (at least with strangers). I've gotten bruised and scraped and scratched. I've been sore for days after an intense class. But more than the physical part of it - it's the emotional aspect. At a recent weapons defense class, I found myself having to fight back tears as the simulated knife attack just made memories surface - of my cousins who died of multiple stab wounds. It was more than 20 years ago, but it still affects me to this very day. But I remind myself, this is why I made the decision to learn. This is why I show up, even when the thing I want to do so much more on a wintry Sunday morning is bury myself under the covers or have a leisurely breakfast. 

On a lighter note. I haven't heard when the Level 1 test will be this year - but last year I believe there was one in August and another in November. So, something to work towards...

3. Try stand-up paddleboarding. I have to admit, winter makes me long for the water so much more. Particularly the warm, clear, turquoise tropical waters in the Philippines... sigh.

image from Yoga Journal

This goal isn't as intense as #2 above, but I've always wanted to try it. I used to be so into watersports when I lived back home and had easy access to beaches. But, I shouldn't forget that we do have a lake here!

I also had in the deep recesses of my mind to try surfing and windsurfing, but stand-up paddleboarding just seems so... calming. And I suppose windsurfing is, too, once you're done wrestling with the sail :) But SUP needs less equipment - and although I'm sure it's one of those things that just look easy, but I figured if I learned wakeboarding I could probably learn SUP. There's even SUP yoga!

Images from Yoga Journal

So, there's my top 3. Nothing groundbreaking, but definitely something to look forward to. There's a first for everything, and everyone was a beginner at something at some point. Let's see how this year unfolds...

life's work

Gypsy Dancer
Cincinnati, OH, 2006

"Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart to give yourself to it."
- Buddha

This led me to think: Which one of these will it be?

- Early childhood intervention/special education
- Yoga & wellness
- Photography
- Food

I feel like each one of these is a little "world" in itself.  Each is a piece of a larger puzzle, and if one is missing, the puzzle won't be complete. But the question is -

Can I do all of them, and how do I do them equally well, without compromising one or the other? Or is there a conflict of interest going on here?

I'd like to hear from you: how do you balance it all? How do you put all the pieces of your life's work together?

my online photography shop

EveryMomentCounts on Etsy

I am happy to share that I started an online photography shop!

Click here.

This site is a work in progress, as I do not have all my photography prints listed yet. For a more extensive list, most of my work can be found here.

looking ahead, part 2

Photo credit: EyesOpenWide

In looking ahead towards the new year, I also have to look back at the year that has been.

2009 was a year of incredible opportunity. It was also a year of transition and somewhat life-changing decisions, some of which were slightly painful. But when opportunity presents itself, there is so much potential to grow. And growth hurts sometimes.

I had to choose between staying in a full-time job (which I loved) that gave me the sense of security that comes with having a regular source of income and benefits, and an opportunity for full-time, (almost) fully-funded doctoral studies in a different city. It meant going away from what has been my home for 6 years, away from my friends who have become like family. It meant a meager stipend instead of a full-time salary (let's be honest here: we all have bills to pay). It meant a different lifestyle, a different routine from what I have been used to. It meant a lot of hours of working alone. I've heard people say, "The doctoral program, especially the dissertation, can be a very lonely place."

The idea of going back to school full-time was a little scary, I admit. It wasn't the most convenient decision... nor was it the most cost-effective decision. It required me to move out of my comfort zone. It required some sacrifice. But it also held the promise of the growth that I so wanted. In my full-time job, I felt secure for practical reasons, but I also felt restless. I felt like a plant that wanted to outgrow its pot. Abraham Maslow, a psychology theorist, wrote: "You will either step forward into growth or you will step back into safety." Very wise.

Somehow I think this photo captures the idea of "stepping back" vs "stepping forward"

There was a lot to consider in my decision-making, but in the end, it all boiled down to that inner voice that grew louder and louder, saying, "JUST GO."

I am a believer of the idea that nothing happens by chance. There is no coincidence. There was a reason that this opportunity knocked. I just "randomly" (or so I thought) found this doctoral program through the Internet. When I looked into it more and sought more information, it seemed that it was the answer to my restlessness. Had I decided to stay within my comfort zones, I would have stayed with the doctoral program I had already started and worked on part-time for the past 2 years. When I think about it, I could have NOT found this other program. I could have NOT been accepted. I could have NOT been given a graduate assistantship. But all those things DID happen. There is a reason.

Anais Nin stated, "And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." (Got this from a delightful little book entitled Bloom)

So despite some fears and anxieties, I stepped forward into growth. It was time.

And now I am here. After months of being in transition, nervously waiting for things to happen that were beyond my control (like whether my student visa was going to be approved by the USCIS or not). Then finally, it all worked out. I look back at the patterns of changes and transitions in my life, and many of them required WAITING. Many, if not all of them, worked out on the 11th hour. I call it "my photo-finish life" because things fall into place in the nick of time. A friend of mine once corrected me and said, "It's not a photo-finish life. It's a 'perfect timing' life." I like that. True enough, when I received my USCIS approval, it couldn't have come at a more perfect time.

The period of waiting really teaches me to be patient. And to let go. And to trust that things DO work out, after you've done all the work. It is a hard lesson to learn, one which I have not fully learned.

And that was my 2009...

So. 2010. A new year to step forward into growth. How am I going to grow this year?

A couple of years ago, I joined a retreat, and we did some fun artsy work. I created something like a "vision board" of affirmations, reminders, and dreams.


Here are some phrases from my vision board:

Go with your gut.

Teach to learn.

Improve our world.

Create, play, and care. It's a way of life.

Be adventurous. Be amazed.

Nourish your life.

Be peaceful.

Wow. It seems like that sums up my will-do's for the year. I'm calling them will-do's and not to-do's. I think saying "will-do's" makes me more accountable. To myself, and to others. They are not necessarily discrete and separate resolutions that you can check off a list and be done with them -- I like to think of them more as reminders to make more conscious choices every day.

Looking at my vision board 2 years after I created it, I reflect on how those words and images are speaking to me now.

Go with your gut. Someone once said to me, "Trust your instincts. Nine out of ten times, your instincts are right." When faced with a decision, I need to find time to quiet my mind and be in tune with my intuition. There is wisdom there. Many times I find myself worrying and stressing out unnecessarily over something, when really, I already know the answer. I could have avoided all that negative energy (and nights of tossing and turning) by just trusting in what I know.

Teach to learn. This year I will be teaching, though in a different capacity. I am no longer teaching young children, but I will be assisting in/co-teaching some college and graduate level classes as part of my graduate assistantship work. I believe that I learn so much when I teach. I learn to step outside of myself. I learn about other people, and about meeting other people's needs. I learn to be flexible. I learn to plan for a variety of learners. I learn to communicate better.

Improve our world. Oooh, that is a loaded one. At this time, I am not in a place in my life where I can join the Peace Corps. So I will have to break it down into smaller actions. I don't know what they are yet though. Volunteer to teach yoga? Join a campus or community organization? Note to self: do some research on this one. But they can be even smaller actions - picking up a piece of trash on the street. Giving someone a sincere compliment or affirmation. Calling or writing an old friend. Greeting and thanking the grocery store checkout person by name. Every word I say and choice I make can have a positive or negative effect. Do my choices create positive energy? Or does it lower my energy and that of others?

Create, play, and care. It's a way of life. In what ways can I "create" this year? I feel that my hobbies have taken a backseat to other, bigger priorities. How can I balance the creative and the cerebral? In what ways will I "play"? And in what ways will I "care"? Hmmm... It seems that I can do all 3 of these when I cook or bake. It's such a creative, enjoyable process. Food is always a way to care for and nourish another person - not just in the physical sense. OK, not that I need any more excuses to cook...

Be adventurous. Be amazed. Well, I'm in a new city! Who knows what adventures lie ahead? One thing that comes to mind is that since I am now closer to a body of water, I might learn to windsurf on the lake this summer. :) (Note to self: Start swimming laps again!) But adventure and amazement are not limited to high-adrenaline activities. Amazement and wonder is everywhere. I just have to be open.

Nourish your life. I will be faced with many stresses this year. A hard lesson for me to learn is to find balance. I need to find ways to nourish my soul so I don't burn out. Nurturing friendships, old and new. Yoga. Cooking projects. Small doses of art. Photography. Writing. I'll take lessons from this friend and make a weekly appointment to "show up for myself."

Be peaceful. Another loaded one. In what ways can I think, speak, and act peacefully? This statement can cover so much - lessening my environmental footprint (note to self: hop on the campus shuttle more!), being more conscious of my food choices and where my food comes from, being more compassionate in my interactions with others and following the three-fold rule of "Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?" before I speak. And -- this is a difficult one -- being more forgiving towards myself.

Let's see how this year turns out... meanwhile, I have my vision board in a highly visible place in my bedroom so I can see my reminders every day.

Here's to another year and another chance to evolve into more balanced, more genuine, and more compassionate versions of ourselves.

good morning!

Saturday morning indulgence: chocolate croissant, thanks to this place.

... motivation to get out of bed.
... 5 minutes of shameless consumption, melted chocolate trickling down the chin.
... inspiration for the next great idea.

More on that later...

ed. 5.16.09: By the way, this is what the page above says:
"Seek and celebrate excellence.
Craft your vision.
Determine your measure.
Ask for what you want."
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Definitely words to live by!

welcoming spring

March 20th (or 19th or 21st in other years) marks the vernal equinox, or the first day of spring. The vernal equinox is when day and night are equally 12 hours. Easter always falls on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the vernal equinox. The Persians also celebrate Noruz on this day, which marks their new year. Pretty cool, huh?

I LOVE spring. It's a time for new beginnings... when days get longer, and baby leaves start shooting from the once-bare branches. I love baby leaves. The green of baby leaves is just indescribable. Day by day, the earth becomes more and more colorful, until finally you see tulips and daffodils blooming. Can't wait!

How do you plan to enjoy spring?

I started my initial to-do list:

- celebrate and reflect on Easter
- visit the Cincinnati parks and the arboretum at Spring Grove with my camera
- see the Spring Flower Show at the Krohn Conservatory (with my camera)
- join the "Eating Locally" field trip, which includes visits to Findlay Market, Grailville, and Turner Farm -- the foodie's ideal day for fresh produce and local harvest... and yes, you guessed it, with my camera
- enjoy the longer days on my balcony
- join another art/photography show (in May, as school schedule permits)
- take more walks, do more cartwheels, and practice more yoga outside
- breathe in the fresh, spring air. Aaaaaahhh.....

"Receive each breath with reverence and use it to serve others." - Yoga Sutras of Patanjali