where are you playing small in your life?

digging into my books

I read that question today and it was like a kick in the gut. (If you need a little cheerleading in your life, read the article here.)

So I'm taking the leap.

I went ahead and approached the yoga studio where I take classes, and told them I was interested in teaching. It took quite a while for me to get to this point. I completed my 300-hour yoga teacher training in 2006, but I haven't taught in.... let's see. Three years.

Generally I don't do well with decision-making. I don't read or follow astrology but I think indecisiveness is the stereotypical Gemini trait. It takes me forever and a day to make decisions sometimes.

I consider myself a THINK-DO-THINK person (rather than a DO-THINK-DO person) - to a fault, because I tend to overthink until sometimes, I make a bigger deal out of it than it actually is, then I end up talking myself out of it. Do any of you do this? Tell me I'm not alone. Anybody?


(Crickets)


I'm not sure why I had been holding back for so long. I was so much more fearless in my twenties, I think. (Geez it feels weird saying that: when I was in my twenties....). But that's partly the reason for this recent kick in the gut. Time is passing us by whether we like it or not. As cliche as it sounds, life is short. The longer we hold back to do something, the more time (and opportunity) passes us by. And I think that's when we become stagnant. Playing small means we stay in our comfort zone. I know "going beyond your comfort zone" tends to be an overused phrase, but it's true, isn't it?

image source

Sometimes I just need to tell myself, "do it." Well actually, it was A. who told me, "if you don't do it, I'll keep nagging you." I just need that push sometimes.

So one day I finally approached the studio owner to make an appointment to talk to her. When we finally met to talk, one of the first things she said was, "you're already part of the family!"

For the next few weeks I will practice teaching again, then the studio will offer a free community yoga class which will serve as my teaching demo. "Free" community yoga classes are typically donation-based; so donations from students are encouraged (but not required) and I can choose my own charity to which the proceeds will go.

In my "other" life, one of my professors said, "teaching is a privilege." And this is coming from a professor who has been at it for more than 15 years, and yet is still working to continuously improve, keep abreast with new or current strategies, and inspiring others to do the same. It's true though - teaching is a privilege. I've taught in different capacities (in my other life) and I take teaching very seriously. I just need to not take myself too seriously.

It's amazing though how opening yourself up to one experience or endeavor tends to open up another. It's almost like the courage you put into one decision spreads into the next. I have another "project" brewing right now which has been in my head for quite some time, and then just yesterday I thought, "what the heck, just do it!" I'll wait to share it as it's still in the works, but as you might guess, it is FOOD-related. :)

Where are you playing small in your life?

new year, new adventure, newfound courage

So this is a somewhat delayed New Year blog post... but I had been busy over the New Year weekend. I went down to Cincinnati and helped my good friend and her husband pack their apartment to move to New York City. Of course, I was tasked with packing up the kitchen. ;-)

What a timely way to move - what better than to have a fresh start, a new beginning, at the start of the new year?

My friend joked to me, "Why is it that at least one of us is always in boxes?"

 my move in 2006

It's true. Most of her belongings will be going to a storage unit temporarily as she will be staying with an aunt in the city before they find a place. Going from a spacious 3-bedroom unit in a mid-size Midwestern city to an apartment in Manhattan is no joke.

Similarly, since November of last year, many of my belongings have also been in storage (thanks to my brother's large basement) while I am living the student life again.

I wonder if this is a sign that we'll never really get settled too long in any one place. Granted, this friend of mine has been moving and traveling pretty much all her life. I stayed in one place in my home country for most of my life, but traveled after I "came of age" at 24 when I first moved here for graduate school in 2003.

As much as I long to lay down roots and feel settled in a place and in a community, the call of adventure and opportunity is always there. It knocks, it beckons, it shakes me to my core until all I can hear in my gut is, "JUST GO."

It's the call of a dream -- a dream that tugs at your heart and soul, wanting to be fulfilled. It's the call of your inner voice, wanting something more, knowing that you are capable of surprising yourself. It's the call of a secret passion, whatever that may be, wanting to come alive. It doesn't matter if the dream comes to fruition overnight (which it almost never does) or if the dream unfolds slowly -- but we are called to take action, bit by bit, no matter how small... as a sculptor slowly works on a stone or piece of wood, chipping away at it until it finally becomes a work of art. And the art here is not just in the product, but in the process -- as it is in life.

It's an invitation to be courageous.

And how interesting that the root word of courage is from the Latin "cor"/"cour", which means "heart" (hence "coeur" = "heart" in French). In a TED talk by Brene Brown, she defines courage in this sense as "to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart." It's the courage to be passionate, vulnerable, and imperfect... even when life is scary.

"bleeding hearts" flowers, Asheville NC, 2009

Another friend of mine shared this excerpt with me a few years ago, and I thought now is a good time to share it.

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself." - Neil Gaiman, writer and artist

And my New Year wish for you and me is: May you find courage to wholeheartedly live out your story.