where are you playing small in your life?

digging into my books

I read that question today and it was like a kick in the gut. (If you need a little cheerleading in your life, read the article here.)

So I'm taking the leap.

I went ahead and approached the yoga studio where I take classes, and told them I was interested in teaching. It took quite a while for me to get to this point. I completed my 300-hour yoga teacher training in 2006, but I haven't taught in.... let's see. Three years.

Generally I don't do well with decision-making. I don't read or follow astrology but I think indecisiveness is the stereotypical Gemini trait. It takes me forever and a day to make decisions sometimes.

I consider myself a THINK-DO-THINK person (rather than a DO-THINK-DO person) - to a fault, because I tend to overthink until sometimes, I make a bigger deal out of it than it actually is, then I end up talking myself out of it. Do any of you do this? Tell me I'm not alone. Anybody?


(Crickets)


I'm not sure why I had been holding back for so long. I was so much more fearless in my twenties, I think. (Geez it feels weird saying that: when I was in my twenties....). But that's partly the reason for this recent kick in the gut. Time is passing us by whether we like it or not. As cliche as it sounds, life is short. The longer we hold back to do something, the more time (and opportunity) passes us by. And I think that's when we become stagnant. Playing small means we stay in our comfort zone. I know "going beyond your comfort zone" tends to be an overused phrase, but it's true, isn't it?

image source

Sometimes I just need to tell myself, "do it." Well actually, it was A. who told me, "if you don't do it, I'll keep nagging you." I just need that push sometimes.

So one day I finally approached the studio owner to make an appointment to talk to her. When we finally met to talk, one of the first things she said was, "you're already part of the family!"

For the next few weeks I will practice teaching again, then the studio will offer a free community yoga class which will serve as my teaching demo. "Free" community yoga classes are typically donation-based; so donations from students are encouraged (but not required) and I can choose my own charity to which the proceeds will go.

In my "other" life, one of my professors said, "teaching is a privilege." And this is coming from a professor who has been at it for more than 15 years, and yet is still working to continuously improve, keep abreast with new or current strategies, and inspiring others to do the same. It's true though - teaching is a privilege. I've taught in different capacities (in my other life) and I take teaching very seriously. I just need to not take myself too seriously.

It's amazing though how opening yourself up to one experience or endeavor tends to open up another. It's almost like the courage you put into one decision spreads into the next. I have another "project" brewing right now which has been in my head for quite some time, and then just yesterday I thought, "what the heck, just do it!" I'll wait to share it as it's still in the works, but as you might guess, it is FOOD-related. :)

Where are you playing small in your life?

resting like a child

In yoga, there is a pose or asana called "child's pose" - or in Sanskrit, balasana.

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It's one of the things I look forward to the most in a yoga class or my own yoga practice. Child's pose is a resting pose - so during a guided yoga class the teacher might lead the group to rest in child's pose or to let you know that you can come to child's pose anytime you want to rest.

There are many ways to modify and customize this pose to suit the needs of your body at any given time, depending on what feels good to you. Hands by the hips or outstretched past the head. Knees together or apart. Placing blankets or pillows under the torso. Whatever's comfortable is how it should be for you.

Sometimes, a five-minute child's pose is my yoga practice for the day. Just being honest.

But there's something refreshing about coming back to this fetal position, in a way that lets you really feel and listen to your breath and allow it to slow down. To just stop whatever you are doing and unselfishly give yourself this time. Even if it's just a few minutes to scan your body or simply take a break. Or to give yourself time to respond to a stressful situation (or yes, even a stress-provoking interaction with someone) without saying or doing something you'll regret later.

I realize that when I'm in child's pose during a yoga practice, I never think about what the next pose is or should be. I don't question what I did prior to coming to child's pose. I don't watch the time. I don't try; I just let myself be. It really is blissful. Even if it's just for a minute.

Interestingly, outside of my yoga practice, beyond the mat -- this is a harder thing to master.

I was feeling burned out and unmotivated the last few weeks after completing a big project. I had been wondering why I couldn't shake off this feeling, this academic "writer's block". I finally decided to call a friend of mine who graduated from her doctoral program (thank you, EB for hearing me out... I am so grateful). She asked me, "have you allowed yourself to really rest?"

Then the light bulb came on. I really haven't. I was still trying to meet deadlines while on vacation time zones away in India, for crying out loud. 

Then once I completed the said project, I jumped on to the next one.

It's funny how we may tend to give ourselves fully to a task or project, but do a half-baked job at resting. I realize that even when I think I'm resting, I'm actually not. Because while I'm trying to rest I'm still thinking about work or feeling guilty about not working. I never truly shut off. So the rest time becomes counterproductive, because the guilt -- and all the other things going on mentally that keep me from resting -- are taxing. 

It's called child's pose for a reason:

image source

Babies... they do this so well. They rest 100%. No half-baked job here. Sigh.

I never thought resting would be hard to do. Yet it is. Somehow, eating chocolate chip cookies is much easier. ;-)

How to rest without the guilt. That is the question.

I'd love to hear from you, friends.

beat the heat

...with cold, fuss-free summer meals.

As much as I love to cook and bake, there are days when even turning on the toaster seems to heat up the kitchen. I did very minimal cooking this weekend - one meal involved a couscous salad (boil water/broth, add couscous, stir, turn off the heat, cover, and let sit for 5 minutes, and it's done... add vegetables and herbs of your choice, some kind of dressing, maybe some feta cheese). This is another one of those "non-recipes" as I like to call it, as you can do whatever you want! Choose a different vegetable. A different grain/starch. A different flavor profile with other herbs. During the colder months I would use a heartier grain like barley or spelt berries, but in the summer couscous is just perfect. I chose these vegetables because these are what I got from last Friday's produce pickup.

The trick here, I think, is to flavor everything from the start - for instance, instead of cooking the couscous/pasta/grains in plain water, I cook it in vegetable broth. If I happen to not have broth and just have water, I add other aromatics (garlic, onion, herbs, whatever) and salt in the cooking water too. And, in either situation, some olive oil. A little olive oil never hurt anybody. (And actually, having a little fat, like olive oil, with vegetables helps our bodies absorb the fat-soluble nutrients in the vegetables. It's a good thing!)

whole wheat couscous, chickpeas, carrots, tomatoes, kale lightly sauteed in garlic and onions, parsley + basil from my balcony (Yes they are growing! There's hope for cactus-killing, non-green-thumbs like me!), and sheep's milk feta (from Lucky Penny Farm), dressed in extra virgin olive oil, lemon zest, lemon juice, salt and pepper

Other meals involved cold soups just using the blender.

Cold soup #1: Cucumber Soup

There is a reason cucumbers are harvested in the summer.

• 2 cucumbers, peeled, seeded, and chopped
• 1 cup plain yogurt (I extended the yummy Velvet View Farmstead yogurt by saving a bit to use as a starter for homemade yogurt!)
• 1-2 cloves garlic, depending on how garlicky you want it
• 2 tablespoons of chopped spring onions
• half a jalapeno pepper, seeded and chopped (optional, but I wanted just a tiny bit of a kick)
• a cup or so of vegetable broth (cold!) -maybe more, maybe less... just enough to get the consistency you want
• salt and pepper
• fresh herbs of your choice (mint, dill, parsley are good choices... I had some parsley on my balcony so that's what I used)

The most work here (which really isn't a lot of work) is prepping the cucumbers and garlic. When a dish calls for raw garlic, I like mincing it with a little salt so that it becomes pasty. Sometimes, big garlic pieces somehow escape the blades of the blender, so mincing it into a paste avoids that. The salt seems to tame the flavor a bit too. (I do the same for raw onions, like for guacamole - though I don't mash them, just sprinkle salt over chopped onions and let it sit for a few minutes).

Whizz everything in a blender until smooth, and it's done.

You might chill it in the fridge some more, but since all my ingredients were cold to begin with, I didn't have to.

Cold soup #2: Sopa de Ajo Bianco (Almond and Garlic Soup)

This soup is not for those who are lukewarm toward garlic. Even A., who really likes garlic, said it was a little much. Two cloves of garlic (instead of 3) would be just fine here. Feel free to adjust to your liking.

• 1 cup of almond meal (available at Trader Joe's; some grocery stores also carry the Bob's Red Mill brand of almond meal)
• a cup or so (around 2 slices) of cubed day-old white country bread, crusts removed, and soaked in enough milk to cover
• 3 cloves of garlic, minced with salt until pasty
• a dash of sherry vinegar
• salt and pepper

Again - whizz everything in a blender until smooth. To make it extra smooth, pour it through a sieve into bowls. I did this, but ended up not wanting to waste the almond bits that collected in the sieve. So I slathered it on bread. It was already flavorful, so why not?
 
Technically, this recipe calls for blanched almonds so you probably wouldn't even have to run it through a sieve since you won't be dealing with the almond skins anymore. But I didn't have blanched almonds, so it had to be almond meal. I think it worked out.

This soup also calls for green grapes, as a garnish or served on the side - like in this recipe. Unfortunately I didn't have any, but I imagine that would be really good here as a contrast to the creamy and garlicky soup. Note to self for next time.

Chill in the refrigerator before serving.

Hope it cools off this week! 

happy song to usher in the weekend... and a vitamin D update

On another note... this song is about sunshine after all...back in May (before we left for India), I went to see my doctor again. I had my vitamin D levels checked again through a blood draw, and a few days later my doctor called back to say my vitamin D levels are now normal... after 3 months of high-dose supplementing when I was severely deficient this winter. She said she didn't think I would need to supplement in India (it was the height of summer there). I won't be needing it this summer either... then she instructed me to resume supplementing (but with a lower dosage than my mega-doses early this year) this coming fall and winter.

Yay!

"That's the sound of sunshine...coming down..." (Michael Franti and Spearhead)

chocolate zucchini muffins

Summer brings an abundance of zucchini. There were 2 zucchinis (thanks to Fresh Fork Market) in my refrigerator crisper drawer, staring at me. Having already made two loaves of zucchini bread, I decided to adapt my zucchini bread recipe and add chocolate. You can't go wrong with chocolate, right?

For me, most muffins call for chocolate chips or nuts. I like the contrasting textures of the moist crumb and the crunch of chocolate chips or nuts together. So, I searched my pantry high and low for chocolate chips... and unfortunately none turned up. And I already used up my last 2 bars of Green & Black dark chocolate for my fleur de sel chocolate chip cookies yesterday. Really??? No chocolate in this household???

And then I found a box of dark chocolate coated marzipan. It was a gift to us, but neither of us are actually huge fans of marzipan. So in my determined-to-have-chocolate state, I decided to cut up all these chocolate marzipan bars and use the chocolate coating. I initially felt bad about tossing the marzipan interior (I hate throwing food away - that's the Filipino in me), but...voila, I had chocolate "chips"! After this long process, I ended up with about 3/4 cup of chocolate pieces. And I had a little shy of half a cup of walnuts. Score! (But I suggest you just grab a bag of chocolate chips while you are at the store.)

Chocolate Zucchini Muffins (makes 23-24 muffins)

• 2 cups whole wheat pastry flour (or all-purpose flour)
• 1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder, sifted
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 tablespoon instant coffee powder
• 1 teaspoon allspice
• 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
• 1 1/2 cups turbinado sugar (or regular brown sugar)
• 3/4 cup virgin coconut oil (or vegetable oil)
• 3 tablespoons ground flaxseed, mixed with 6 tablespoons water (or 3 eggs)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 cups grated zucchini (grated in a food processor)
• 1 cup bittersweet chocolate chips, nuts, or a combination

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line two 12-cup muffin tins with paper muffin liners, or grease and flour the muffin tins. I actually just used one muffin tin and just baked them in two batches (Technically I think that once the wet and dry ingredients are mixed together, the batter has to be baked without delay... but I figured this wasn't such a delicate recipe and the second batch can wait a half hour or so before going into the oven. Anyway...)
2. In a medium bowl, mix together the flour, cocoa, salt, baking soda, instant coffee, allspice, and cinnamon. I now mix a little bit of coffee into almost any chocolate recipe. Not that you actually taste the coffee, but it just adds even more depth of flavor. Coffee makes chocolate taste better! (Thanks, Ina Garten)
3. Measure out about a half cup of the flour mixture and place in a bowl with the chocolate chips or nuts. Mix together to coat the chocolate chips/nuts. This process (I think the technical term is dredging) prevents the chocolate chips/nuts from sinking to the bottom of the muffins as they bake.
4. In a large bowl, mix the sugar, oil, ground flaxseed mixture (or eggs), vanilla, and grated zucchini. As a side note, for those of you who are wary of coconut oil... you actually don't detect the coconut flavor in here. And virgin, cold-pressed, unrefined coconut oil is actually good for you!
5. Mix the flour mixture into the wet ingredients, just until combined (do not overmix!). Fold in the chocolate chips/nuts and the remaining flour mixture.
6. Using an ice cream scoop or measuring cup, divide the batter into the muffin cups (fill about 2/3 of the way up in each muffin cup). Bake for 20-25 minutes or until a small knife/cake tester/toothpick inserted into the center of the muffin comes out without any liquid batter sticking to it (moist/dry crumbs are ok).
7. Cool in the muffin pan for about 10 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool.

Well, the cooling process didn't quite happen for me. I couldn't wait to sink my teeth into one of these.

See how incredibly moist and chocolate-y they are?

Not that zucchinis are a bad thing, but you can't even detect them in here. Surely a great way to use up zucchini. I think my next zucchini experiment will be to make them into latkes.



PS: As a side note, my wire rack (middle ground of photo) looks like it's glowing!

freedom and independence

Earlier today I had a conversation with someone who asked me, "so how are you celebrating the Fourth of July?" Nonchalantly, I responded, "well, I'm not too big on the Fourth of July... It's an American holiday." Granted, I was in the middle of dusting and doing 3 loads of laundry.

But, I ended up thinking a little more about it. The truth is, my not being a born-and-bred American does not mean that the Fourth of July isn't important in my life. I came here nine years ago in the hopes of professional growth and opportunities. And without a doubt, I have grown tremendously here. I am incredibly thankful for every opportunity, even every challenge and setback that made me who I am today.

Perhaps my recent change of status to "permanent resident"  helps me feel more "free". I have to admit that after recently traveling overseas (finally!) and returning to the US, it felt great to go through immigrations at the airport with just a passport and greencard in hand, without having to pull out document after document that proves our legal status. I'm grateful that I was able to experience this freedom after what seemed to be a several-year journey in uncertainty.

But in the grander scheme of things, I am thankful for so much more. Thankful that I was free to experience higher education with a scholarship, have a fulfilling job, and go through higher education (yet again) in a field/profession of my choosing. I am free to pursue the hobbies and activities I want, be it the arts and culture, volunteering, a social life. I can exercise my independence and I'm free to walk or drive alone, realizing that in some other contexts or cultures women cannot be out unchaperoned. I'm free to go outside and not fear for my safety. I am free to believe what I want to believe, and practice my faith without persecution. I can read what I want to read, say what I want to say - verbally or in writing. I am free to have my own identity, even as a woman in an ethnic minority.

Despite not being an American, I too am celebrating my freedom today. Because I'm free to make choices and to evolve into the person I want to be. I am free to create my future.

photo by Jenni from Story of My Life

Sure, I miss home and my home country terribly. But just like Americans, today I will say: Happy Fourth of July!

May we not take our freedoms for granted...

monday comic relief: when a man gets between a food lover and her food

So I have a reputation for loving food. So much that, at our wedding reception, both the best man AND bridesmaid's speeches made reference to it - they recounted, through one story or another (ok, there were multiple stories), that my love for food trumps my love for anything else.

Then my husband, who was watching TV one afternoon over the weekend, called me to show me this commercial.

He said, "Watch this. This is you".




Hmmm. Really? That bad??? (with the most innocent face I can muster... between mouthfuls, that is.)