questions to think about

As I wrote in previous posts, I have been revisiting my journal from last year. I came across this list of questions that I reflected on when I was going through some major decision making. I wish I can tell you the original source, but unfortunately I did not cite the source when I haphazardly jotted down the questions.

Anyway...

• How does this desire fit in with my greater priorities?
• Is it beneficial to other people as well as to myself?
• Will following this desire hurt me or others?
• What will I have to give up if I follow this desire?
• Does it take me closer to my higher Self, or will it create more barriers between my soul and myself?
• What will I have to give up if I don't follow it?
• What do I really want by getting what I want?

I thought these were great questions for thinking through decisions and transitions. (I left the Excel spreadsheet of pros and cons to my dad whose mind works well through numbers.)

How about you? What helps you make decisions? 

courage and inspiration

I've gotten into a habit of "naming" each year. 2009 was about TAKING ACTION. I have decided to name 2010 COURAGE and INSPIRATION. Courage, for the path ahead, and all its unknowns. Inspiration to keep going.

I've stepped outside my familiar, comfortable place -- professionally and emotionally. But it's all good. Really good. No regrets. But courage is still needed.

I realized that all my major decisions - of wanting change, of wanting more - have been guided by a need to be inspired. And I write about wanting "more" not in terms of things, but in terms of becoming.

I want to be able to inspire as well, however that may be. But I can only inspire another if I am inspired myself.

I've been revisiting this book lately - a translation of the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. She writes about the sutras, or "threads" of yoga philosophy in such a thoughtful, yet accessible way. She makes it real.

Here are some of her translations of the yoga sutras:

Slow, peaceful exhalations can be used to restore and preserve balance.
Or engage the focus on an inspiring object.
Or cultivate devotion to the supreme, ever-blissful Light within.
Or dedicate yourself to anything that elevates and embraces your heart. 


- Nischala Joy Devi, The Secret Power of Yoga

I do think that our life's work is exactly that - dedicating ourselves to that which elevates and embraces our hearts.

What inspires me?
What elevates and embraces my heart?

In my "work" world:
- Solutions
- Committed teachers and professionals
- Better outcomes for children and families

In my "yoga and wellness" world:
- Balance
- A healthy body
- A clear, steady mind
- A compassionate heart
- A peaceful spirit

In my "photography/art" world:
- Visual images that can uplift and silence me

In my "food" world:
- Creativity: creating something from nothing (well, not really "nothing"... you always start with a foundation of good, fresh ingredients. But you know what I mean.)
- The need to nurture

I've decided that I can't let go of these other pieces. I just need to keep seeking out sources of inspiration, wherever that may be. Seeing the resiliency of a child. Reading a great article about an issue in my profession. Talking about solutions. Being in movement. Finding strength and focus in a deep belly breath. Tasting an explosion of flavors. Finding beauty in random, everyday moments. Nurturing love and friendship.

I know what inspires me. So the next question in my "life's work" is - how do I take these sources of inspiration and inspire the next person?

life's work

Gypsy Dancer
Cincinnati, OH, 2006

"Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart to give yourself to it."
- Buddha

This led me to think: Which one of these will it be?

- Early childhood intervention/special education
- Yoga & wellness
- Photography
- Food

I feel like each one of these is a little "world" in itself.  Each is a piece of a larger puzzle, and if one is missing, the puzzle won't be complete. But the question is -

Can I do all of them, and how do I do them equally well, without compromising one or the other? Or is there a conflict of interest going on here?

I'd like to hear from you: how do you balance it all? How do you put all the pieces of your life's work together?

looking ahead, part 2

Photo credit: EyesOpenWide

In looking ahead towards the new year, I also have to look back at the year that has been.

2009 was a year of incredible opportunity. It was also a year of transition and somewhat life-changing decisions, some of which were slightly painful. But when opportunity presents itself, there is so much potential to grow. And growth hurts sometimes.

I had to choose between staying in a full-time job (which I loved) that gave me the sense of security that comes with having a regular source of income and benefits, and an opportunity for full-time, (almost) fully-funded doctoral studies in a different city. It meant going away from what has been my home for 6 years, away from my friends who have become like family. It meant a meager stipend instead of a full-time salary (let's be honest here: we all have bills to pay). It meant a different lifestyle, a different routine from what I have been used to. It meant a lot of hours of working alone. I've heard people say, "The doctoral program, especially the dissertation, can be a very lonely place."

The idea of going back to school full-time was a little scary, I admit. It wasn't the most convenient decision... nor was it the most cost-effective decision. It required me to move out of my comfort zone. It required some sacrifice. But it also held the promise of the growth that I so wanted. In my full-time job, I felt secure for practical reasons, but I also felt restless. I felt like a plant that wanted to outgrow its pot. Abraham Maslow, a psychology theorist, wrote: "You will either step forward into growth or you will step back into safety." Very wise.

Somehow I think this photo captures the idea of "stepping back" vs "stepping forward"

There was a lot to consider in my decision-making, but in the end, it all boiled down to that inner voice that grew louder and louder, saying, "JUST GO."

I am a believer of the idea that nothing happens by chance. There is no coincidence. There was a reason that this opportunity knocked. I just "randomly" (or so I thought) found this doctoral program through the Internet. When I looked into it more and sought more information, it seemed that it was the answer to my restlessness. Had I decided to stay within my comfort zones, I would have stayed with the doctoral program I had already started and worked on part-time for the past 2 years. When I think about it, I could have NOT found this other program. I could have NOT been accepted. I could have NOT been given a graduate assistantship. But all those things DID happen. There is a reason.

Anais Nin stated, "And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." (Got this from a delightful little book entitled Bloom)

So despite some fears and anxieties, I stepped forward into growth. It was time.

And now I am here. After months of being in transition, nervously waiting for things to happen that were beyond my control (like whether my student visa was going to be approved by the USCIS or not). Then finally, it all worked out. I look back at the patterns of changes and transitions in my life, and many of them required WAITING. Many, if not all of them, worked out on the 11th hour. I call it "my photo-finish life" because things fall into place in the nick of time. A friend of mine once corrected me and said, "It's not a photo-finish life. It's a 'perfect timing' life." I like that. True enough, when I received my USCIS approval, it couldn't have come at a more perfect time.

The period of waiting really teaches me to be patient. And to let go. And to trust that things DO work out, after you've done all the work. It is a hard lesson to learn, one which I have not fully learned.

And that was my 2009...

So. 2010. A new year to step forward into growth. How am I going to grow this year?

A couple of years ago, I joined a retreat, and we did some fun artsy work. I created something like a "vision board" of affirmations, reminders, and dreams.


Here are some phrases from my vision board:

Go with your gut.

Teach to learn.

Improve our world.

Create, play, and care. It's a way of life.

Be adventurous. Be amazed.

Nourish your life.

Be peaceful.

Wow. It seems like that sums up my will-do's for the year. I'm calling them will-do's and not to-do's. I think saying "will-do's" makes me more accountable. To myself, and to others. They are not necessarily discrete and separate resolutions that you can check off a list and be done with them -- I like to think of them more as reminders to make more conscious choices every day.

Looking at my vision board 2 years after I created it, I reflect on how those words and images are speaking to me now.

Go with your gut. Someone once said to me, "Trust your instincts. Nine out of ten times, your instincts are right." When faced with a decision, I need to find time to quiet my mind and be in tune with my intuition. There is wisdom there. Many times I find myself worrying and stressing out unnecessarily over something, when really, I already know the answer. I could have avoided all that negative energy (and nights of tossing and turning) by just trusting in what I know.

Teach to learn. This year I will be teaching, though in a different capacity. I am no longer teaching young children, but I will be assisting in/co-teaching some college and graduate level classes as part of my graduate assistantship work. I believe that I learn so much when I teach. I learn to step outside of myself. I learn about other people, and about meeting other people's needs. I learn to be flexible. I learn to plan for a variety of learners. I learn to communicate better.

Improve our world. Oooh, that is a loaded one. At this time, I am not in a place in my life where I can join the Peace Corps. So I will have to break it down into smaller actions. I don't know what they are yet though. Volunteer to teach yoga? Join a campus or community organization? Note to self: do some research on this one. But they can be even smaller actions - picking up a piece of trash on the street. Giving someone a sincere compliment or affirmation. Calling or writing an old friend. Greeting and thanking the grocery store checkout person by name. Every word I say and choice I make can have a positive or negative effect. Do my choices create positive energy? Or does it lower my energy and that of others?

Create, play, and care. It's a way of life. In what ways can I "create" this year? I feel that my hobbies have taken a backseat to other, bigger priorities. How can I balance the creative and the cerebral? In what ways will I "play"? And in what ways will I "care"? Hmmm... It seems that I can do all 3 of these when I cook or bake. It's such a creative, enjoyable process. Food is always a way to care for and nourish another person - not just in the physical sense. OK, not that I need any more excuses to cook...

Be adventurous. Be amazed. Well, I'm in a new city! Who knows what adventures lie ahead? One thing that comes to mind is that since I am now closer to a body of water, I might learn to windsurf on the lake this summer. :) (Note to self: Start swimming laps again!) But adventure and amazement are not limited to high-adrenaline activities. Amazement and wonder is everywhere. I just have to be open.

Nourish your life. I will be faced with many stresses this year. A hard lesson for me to learn is to find balance. I need to find ways to nourish my soul so I don't burn out. Nurturing friendships, old and new. Yoga. Cooking projects. Small doses of art. Photography. Writing. I'll take lessons from this friend and make a weekly appointment to "show up for myself."

Be peaceful. Another loaded one. In what ways can I think, speak, and act peacefully? This statement can cover so much - lessening my environmental footprint (note to self: hop on the campus shuttle more!), being more conscious of my food choices and where my food comes from, being more compassionate in my interactions with others and following the three-fold rule of "Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?" before I speak. And -- this is a difficult one -- being more forgiving towards myself.

Let's see how this year turns out... meanwhile, I have my vision board in a highly visible place in my bedroom so I can see my reminders every day.

Here's to another year and another chance to evolve into more balanced, more genuine, and more compassionate versions of ourselves.

looking ahead

Photo credit: EyesOpenWide

Don't just go through life, grow through life. Don't just be good, be good for something and someone. Goodness heightens beauty. Become who you are, who you were meant to be. Seek out knowledge and experience. The more we see, the more we are capable of seeing. The more we do, the more we are capable of doing.

If you want to change, begin it. If you want love, give it. If you want hope, embody it. Start immediately and do it flamboyantly. Once you've begun, don't turn back. Change and growth can be painful and challenging at times, but as Lauren Bond said, "Every flower has to go through a lot of dirt."

Life is about choices, growth, and taking chances. It is about pushing through and moving forward. It is about loving courageously and not holding back. It is about finding a brighter, better way. You owe it to yourself and to the world to make the most out of the stuff that's in you.

Bloom into your incredibly, gloriously, brilliantly beautiful self. The world is waiting.

- Excerpt from Bloom, Kobi Yamada & Kristel Wills (eds.), 2006. For more info on the book, click here.

photo taken in Cincinnati on November 2009 -
thought it was an unlikely bloom during late fall

courage for new beginnings

I recently saw the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I couldn't help but be moved by this letter, written by the main character, for his daughter:

"For what it's worth, it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be...You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

Ode to the day

Ode to the day

When I sit in a coffee shop
Not wearing a watch,
Having meaningful conversation
With a new friend
About our religions,
How they complement each other.
Talking about the beautiful sustainability
Of the environment,
The fair governing
of all countries,
Love,
And how all children have food, clean water, and good
educations
Learning about first and third world classifications only in
textbooks.
Drinking coffee produced by a man whom we know
Has the same potential as we.

Might I make decisions today that allow me to believe
Tomorrow can be that day.

- Poetry by Ashley Boone,
published in EcoWatch Journal, April/May 2009


******

Perhaps this is the true meaning of Independence Day.
Happy Fourth of July!

"JUST GO."

...my inner voice said.

But when in doubt, I go back to these words of wisdom...

"One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." - Andre Gide
(Thanks, CRC, for sharing this quote with me before I left Manila in 2003.)

******

"Even paradise can grow too small
When you hear the far horizon's call
Other lands await."

- From Why Explore? (children's picture book by Susan Lendroth)

******

Manifest your must.
Pursue your passion.
Define your day.
Dare to dream.

- Mary Anne Radmacher

******

And, most recently, in a conversation with my neighbor while doing laundry, she said:

"Trust your instincts. Nine out of ten times, your instincts are right."

Wise lady.

reflections from a decision-making workshop

If God and I were having coffee and conversation, this is what I think s/he'd say...

Good dreams come from me you know,
My dreams seem impossible,
Not too practical
Not for the cautious man or woman.
A little risky sometimes,
A trifle rash perhaps.

Some of my friends prefer
to rest more comfortably,
in sounder sleep
with visionless eyes.

But from those who share my dreams,
I ask a little patience
A little honor,
Some small courage,
And a listening heart.
I will do the rest.

Then they will risk
And wonder at their daring
Run and marvel at their speed;
Build, and stand in awe at the
beauty of their building.

You will meet me as often as you want;
In your companions, who share your risk;
In your friends, who believe in you enough
To lend their own dreams,
their own hands,
their own hearts
to your building.

In the people who fill find your doorway,
Stay awhile and walk away
knowing they, too, can find a dream...

There will be sun-filled days.
And sometimes it will rain.
A little variety!
Both come from me.
So come now. Be content.

It is my dream you dream:
My house you build;
My caring you witness;
My love you share
And this is the heart of the matter.

- Charles Peguy

photo credit:
footpath
by Carlo Gatmaitan, 2008
http://pbase.com/carlogatmaitan

We shall never cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

T. S. Eliot
Dramatist & poet (1888 - 1965)

living, growing, being

"One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star."
- Nietzsche

Sometimes I wonder why I complicate my life. My life could be so much simpler. But I think my self-imposed overbooking and overscheduling reflects a certain unrest, a desire for more -- a richer, more fulfilled experience; taking in all that life has to offer.

People do it all the time... whether it's pushing oneself to run 26.2 miles at a marathon, reaching the summit of a mountain, or diving to the depths of the sea. Or on a different level, going back to school.

The concept of "more", I think, is so much a part of being human... which does not necessarily mean a lack of contentment or a desire for more materially. It's about the need for self-actualization, a term coined by Abraham Maslow:

"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be. This is the need we may call self-actualization...It refers to man's desire for fulfillment, namely to the tendency for him to become actually in what he is potentially: to become everything that one is capable of becoming."

Maslow says there are two processes necessary for self-actualization: self-exploration and action. The action is the harder part.

Which is probably why I love to-do lists. After thinking about what I want, I write everything down, and I love being able to check items on my list, one at a time. It's part of holding myself accountable, using pen and paper as my witnesses.

We're almost halfway into the year, and I'm s-l-o-w-l-y putting check marks on my list:

• display photography at an art show: check
• plant herbs and tomatoes: check
  
• write and submit a research proposal (in progress)
  
• travel to a new place this summer
• present at a research conference? (gulp.)
• worry less. (a constant work in progress)
  

Dream Big, Live Outrageously, Follow Your Bliss

For the past couple of weeks I've been finding myself at a crossroads. So it was no surprise that I was drawn to these words again...

Live Outrageously

Most of us live in such a responsible, self-contained way. We do our duty as citizens, attend to everyone else's needs, show up for work, get the job done, and so on. That's all commendable--except when we're following the expected path for no better reason than we're in a well-worn rut. Then our diligence can come at the expense of our own true desires, the ones that live outside the realm of what's normally considered acceptable or appropriate.

In the spirit of unleashing a few hidden desires of your own, why not make a resolution to live more boldly?

Outrageous Act #1: Take a step towards radical self-improvement.
Outrageous Act #2: Make a big, bold life change.
Outrageous Act #3: Stop doing what you hate.

- by Cheryl Richardson ( Body + Soul magazine, Jan-Feb 08)

Follow your bliss.
If you do follow your bliss,
you put yourself on a kind of track
that has been there all the while waiting for you,
and the life you ought to be living
is the one you are living.
When you can see that,
you begin to meet people
who are in the field of your bliss,
and they open the doors to you.
I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid,
and doors will open
where you didn't know they were going to be.
If you follow your bliss,
doors will open for you that wouldn't have opened for anyone else.

- Joseph Campbell

***************
Somewhere between the life you have and the life you want lies the quiet seed of potential.
- Terri Trespicio

go ahead and dream

"What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
-- Mary Oliver

(photo taken by Start Skydiving - my first skydive on July 22, 2007)